Tag Archives: depression

If You’re Unhappy With Your Life, It’s Your Responsibility To Change It

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By Dian Tinio
Updated June 16, 2019

“Oftentimes, we settle for what we think is right, acceptable and safe. We are so dominated by the idea of staying because it feels scary to move. Because it feels frightening to face a whole new environment without the people, the things, or the places we’ve been so used to.
We are so terrified by the idea of moving on, because we feel like we just can’t move on and leave things behind. We sacrifice our own being, our own happiness. We choose to compromise all these because we choose to stay, when we should really be moving on, moving forward.

If you’re unhappy, MOVE. Because if you’re meant to stay in one place, you should have roots, instead of feet.

If you’re unhappy with your job, quit. If you feel like, you’re no longer growing, no longer learning, if you’re no longer productive, if you’re only clocking in and out every single day – then move. If you’re constantly stressing over the fact that it drains you mentally, physically and emotionally, then move. If you’re thinking of just sticking with that job that never fails to suck your joy because it pays the bills and you might be “promoted” there and can call yourself “successful” and “happier” – NO. Your happiness does not depend on your success. Your success actually depends on your happiness. If you think there are new opportunities, new places, new things you can explore and will contribute to your soul and to your individual growth, then go there. If it’s worth your time thinking, then it’s worth trying. No one’s too old to try. Whether it ends good or bad, it’s still an experience. Let’s not forget that every experience teaches us a valuable lesson that we might never learn if we choose otherwise.

If you’re unhappy with the people you surround yourself with, leave. If you feel like they no longer influence you positively and you no longer prosper with them then leave. By leaving, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting them off of your life or you’re forgetting them forever, it just simply means that you are finally moving forward. The time you had with them was spectacular. There were learnings and encouragements but when they are no longer a vessel of such and all they do is drag you into settling for mediocrity, then maybe it’s time to say your “thank you” and “see you again”. You are just recognizing that you need to go on with your life, perhaps without them.

If you’re unhappy with your love life, end it. They aren’t the last people on earth. Romantic relationships are more than forehead kisses, dinner dates, tight hugs and sweet letters – romantic relationships just like any other vital connection you have, is supposed to mature with you. Romantic relationships are supposed to let you flourish and develop in every aspect of who you are. It is supposed to hearten you every morning and not weigh you down with doubts and resentments. If your partner becomes a constant instrument of heartache and toxicity, then cut them off. You are not obliged to burden yourself with such. They are supposed to be one of the top people who will propel you to be at your best, to motivate you and allow you to discover the extent of your grandeur. Remember that, always. Who knows, maybe in the near future you’ll meet someone who’ll contribute to your soul even more.

If you’re unhappy with your city, move. Don’t get stranded with comfort zones and safety nets. Familiarity is good but too much familiarity is not that good. A little risk and uncertainty can go a long long way. If you’re only staying because you feel it’s secured and because you’re already living there for a long while now that it is “home” or that it is “convenient” – well, you might want to re-think your decisions. Being comfortable can be a whole lot scarier than taking risks. You stopped conquering magnificent things when you start getting comfortable. Remember, great things come outside of our comfort zone. So pack your things, leave your city and move to another one if you must. Go out on this adventure to nowhere. Start anew. Search for a place you might like to visit, a place you might like to stay. Now is the time. Home is where your happiness is, not where it’s guarded.

If you’re unhappy with your life path, take any turn possible. Whether it is your college course or your career path, or your business direction – whatever path it is that you’re taking right now, if it reeks strong discontentment, then it’s the perfect time to take a pause and redirect yourself. If you’re taking a course you don’t like, shift. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to waste years, effort and money on something you never even love in the first place. It will only teach you to settle. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t embolden you, you’ll still feel devoid, exhausted. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re graduating next year, you better decide before you find yourself trapped in an office chair with loads of shitty work you don’t even understand and doesn’t enrich your passion. If you’re investing years of your precious time and expertise in a career path you’re not even appeased with, shift. If you don’t see yourself on the same path in the years to come, what’s the point? There is no right time to shift and leave, you do it when you feel like it. You do it when you’re unhappy. You do it now. Take on a new path, embrace diversity and development. Whatever path it is you’re in right now, if you’re unhappy, take a turn. Whether it is left or right, as long as you’re happy, you will not lose yourself.

If you’re unhappy with how you see life, move your sight. See life from a different view, a different perspective. Re-acquaint yourself with life. Worrying or over-thinking things don’t change how life is. Like they say, don’t stress over the things you can’t change. The only thing you can do is fix your eyes on a different light, see life in all its splendor. Stop viewing it for all its troubles. Life is beautiful.
If you’re unhappy where you are right now, move. It’s as simple as that, I don’t know why we make everything so complicated. Why we spend so much of our time and energy scrutinizing everything, when the only thing we should really be thinking about is our own happiness.

Thus, instead of dreading and over-examining every decision you need to make in your life, trust your guts. Sometimes, taking risks and clinging to perplexity is a good thing. You don’t always have to weigh the pros and cons of things, sometimes there is only one thing that really, truly matters and that is; your happiness, your passion for this life and your hunger for a contented heart. You don’t have to be sure of where you’re going or what the next step is; sometimes all you have to do is take the first step and that is to MOVE.”

Week of April 22nd

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Sun in Taurus.
Mercury Direct in Aries: Refresh your mind and begin something.
Venus in Aries: Rebirth in art, love and finances. Make a fresh start.
Mars in Gemini
Jupiter retrograde (backwards) in Sagittarius
Saturn/Pluto conjunct in Capricorn

Keep a low profile this week, meet your responsibilities and don’t rock the boat. There is huge energy under the surface that is unearthed this week in our personal and collective lives, and we need to be nourished, contemplative and calm to walk through it.

Sunday, April 21st – We start the week off with a bang. Sun conjunct Uranus in Taurus shakes things up around what we value – especially our love lives. Our values, as well as home, possessions and finances, could take a completely different direction. Go with the flow and accept the change, because it is the path to liberation.

Monday, April 22nd – Moon in Sagittarius, Sun in Taurus. Get all loose ends tied up in preparation for the huge aspect on Wednesday.

Tuesday, April 23rd – Moon void of course in Sag most of the day. Try not to make big decisions or sign anything.

Wednesday, April 24th – Pluto is stationing (standing still above us) and turning retrograde (backwards) around noon Pacific time. At the SAME TIME, Pluto will be conjuncting Saturn (timing, responsibility and control). This is a huge turning point in our personal lives and the world. The US is also having it’s Pluto Return – which can stir up revolution, reform and massive change.
Individually, our toxic, underlying issues are rising up to be healed by Pluto. This spurs us towards a rebirth of the structures we have built in our lives by Saturn. This is a BIG DEAL. If you’ve been stuck in self doubt, self hatred or living out other people’s ideas, prepare to be liberated and reborn. If you’ve built your life on shaky ground, or avoided responsibility for your actions, prepare to grow up fast. Sacrifice your past mistakes and weaknesses in the great fire of Pluto and start anew. Seek the light within you. Encourage it to grow. This conjunction sets off a major reorganization of our lives that will gain steam and relevance over the next several months. The goal is to create a new, sustainable paradigm for true living.

If you’re feeling tired or sick this week, please rest.
If you’ve been moving too fast, slow down.
If you’ve been overly focused on gaining approval from others, practice self care.
Stay connected with friends and family.
Stick to the facts and don’t take risks this week.
Change your daily habits.

Thursday, April 25th – Moon in Capricorn activates the current Saturn-Pluto hubbub, bringing up emotional responses to the issues at hand. Leave the past behind and bring in what nourishes you.

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Rasmus Berggreen, Into the Abyss

Friday, April 26th – Moon void of course in Capricorn most of the day. Contemplate the changes in motion. We are in the last quarter of the Moon, so you don’t have to work hard or begin anything new for the next week. Just rest, let go of what you’ve outgrown, and wrap up loose ends.

Saturday, April 27th –  Moon in Aquarius. Mars square Neptune in the early morning. It’s a good day to embrace visions, and take action on the ones that really call to you.  Just be really clear on what you’re doing before you take action. Neptune can make you spacy or bring up the desire to play the victim.

Monday, April 29th – Moon in Pisces. And if all that wasn’t enough!!! Saturn stations retrograde above us in Capricorn at 5:55pm Pacific. When Saturn retrogrades, things in our lives can feel less stable. More developments from the Pluto-Saturn conjunction last week could arise.
Focus on why you are here. What is your purpose in this life? Are you accomplishing it? If not, how can you find ways to restructure your beliefs and your habits to help instead of hinder your mission?

 

Week of January 7th

cap1New Moon in Capricorn last Saturday.
Mercury in Capricorn (weakened).
Venus in Sagittarius (neutral).
Mars in Aries (strong).
Jupiter in Sagittarius (strong).
Saturn in Capricorn until March 2020 (rulership).
Uranus now Direct in Aries (strong).

The New Moon Eclipse last Saturday activated the South Node (the past). This represents personal gifts in our lives that we have already mastered. The North Node is our nature, or obvious personality, and where we have natural talent. With this New Moon, the corner of your chart containing Capricorn will be going through a change. A new door will open, influenced by the house placement and any aspects.

Saturn (reality) and Pluto (the soul’s evolution) in Capricorn are going to effect the South Node (the past) during the eclipses this year. Saturn, and Capricorn, are about mastery and responsibility. With the South Node there, we will be tested to see if we have truly mastered the lessons of our pasts, or we will be tested with the same old situations until we are done.
Where do you want to be by the time Saturn leaves Capricorn?

Mercury isn’t thrilled with being in Capricorn. Mercury wants to be zing-y, but Capricorn is cautious and sure-footed. Communication is slowing down for a few weeks.

Mars has gone into his rulership in Aries (finally!! Yay!!), after months of going backwards and slogging through Pisces. Our plans are now in direct, confident motion. This happened on New Year’s Day too, so the fresh, new Mars energy is invigorating 2019 in general 🙂

MONDAY, January 7th: Moon in Aquarius. Focus is on groups, humanitarian ideals and teamwork. Uranus is still stationing (standing still) in Aries, so there could be unexpected events or revelations coming from left field. Listen for new ideas and revelations from your inner voice.
Uranus stationary direct in late Aries can bring unexpected shocks, liberating surprises, fresh vision and new ways to utilize technology. Independence, spontaneity and a break from routine are common themes. Where can you bring more freedom into your life? Do something different.
Venus enters Sagittarius during Monday’s pre-dawn hours, bringing faith, luck, truth and exploration to the arena of Love. We immediately feel more optimistic, sociable and generous in the areas of art and romance.

TUESDAY, January 8th: Moon in Aquarius. Mercury squares Mars at 2:00am, but influences the day. Stay away from confronting, debating or negotiating with anyone today. It’s a good day for writing or getting organized though.

WEDNESDAY, January 9th: Pisces Moon. Daydream and fantasize today. Facts will slip through your fingers. Today we survive using our intuition. Seek solitude, quiet, healing and music.

THURSDAY, Jan. 10th: Pisces Moon. Quiet day. Meditate, daydream, create visions and art.

FRIDAY, Jan. 11th: Moon void-of-course in Pisces all day. Don’t commit to or sign anything. A day of relaxation. Sun conjunct Pluto helps you update your life vision. The will to power or to defend against it can quickly turn violent. Avoid arguments. Sexual preoccupation and obsession is possible, as is suspicion and paranoia. Fun can be had by exploring the psyche sexually and otherwise for catharsis. What stands in your way right now? What outdated attitudes and perspectives can you release?

SATURDAY, Jan. 12th: Moon in Aries (meeting up with Mars). You’ll probably feel a lot of energy, drive and excitement today! Make good use of it, but avoid headstrong behavior.

 

Do this when you feel icky

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“What Science Really Says About Negative Emotions.

Pretending unwelcome feelings don’t exist isn’t helping. Here’s what to do instead:

by Shelby Lorman.

Source.

Ever been told to smile when you’re feeling down? While there’s science to support the idea that forced positivity can temporarily boost your mood, convincing yourself that you’re always happy may do you more harm than good, according to an insightful piece on Quartz by Lila MacLellan. Research suggests suppressing your less-than-pleasant feelings can harm your psychological well-being, and that accepting them is a better option.
Acceptance isn’t about making peace with your negative emotions: the “magic of acceptance is in its blunting effect on emotional reactions to stressful events,” Brett Ford, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, told MacLellan. Ford added that over time, acceptance of negative emotions can lead to “positive psychological health, including higher levels of life satisfaction.”
How and why this happens isn’t exactly clear. But Ford’s recently published research (in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) offers some insights. The research is from a few years ago, when Ford was a doctoral student at the University of California, Berkeley. She and a few other Berkeley researchers designed a three-part experiment in hopes of learning more about the link between acceptance and psychological well-being. The participants were from various socioeconomic backgrounds and races, and included people who had dealt with major and minor negative experiences (think the difference between losing a job and losing track of your keys).
Ford and her fellow researchers found that people who were more accepting of negative emotions (MacLellan calls them “habitual acceptors”) like anger or anxiety had reduced feelings of ill-being, something backed up by previous research, and were more likely to have better well-being. MacLellan notes that “accepting dark emotions like anxiety or rage won’t bring you down or amplify the emotional experience. Nor will it make you ‘happy’—at least not directly.” Instead, acceptance is linked to overall “better mental health when it’s used in response to negative emotions, not positive ones,” MacLellan writes.
Ford hopes her research can improve future mental health treatments, which “currently rely on some approaches that fail people,” she told MacLellan. “When something happens and you try to reframe it like, ‘Oh it’s not such a big deal.’ or ‘I’m going to learn and grow from that,’ it doesn’t necessarily work,” Ford said.
Bad experiences are inevitable. But if we only let in the positive emotions, we’re less equipped to deal with the rollercoaster ride that is just part and parcel of being alive. “People die in our lives, we lose them, if we have only been accustomed to being allowed to have more positive thoughts, then these realities can strike us even more intensely when they happen—and they will happen,” according to Svend Brinkmann, a psychology professor at Denmark’s Aalborg University quoted in the piece.
Part of the challenge of acceptance is that it runs counter to our culture’s expectation to be happy all of the time. We’re living in a “cultural age that’s decidedly pro-positivity,” MacLellan writes, which makes the “pressure to suppress or camouflage negative feelings” all the more pronounced. In the West (especially in the U.S.) “happiness and positivity are seen as virtues,” MacLellan notes. Ford told her that “some companies want their customers and employees to be delighted all the time. That’s unreasonable, and when we’re faced with unreasonable expectations, it’s natural for us to start applying judgement to the negative mental experiences we have.”
This probably isn’t helped by the fact that social media today is awash in well-curated and filtered frames of positivity. While a quick mood boost might feel great, continually suppressing our own negative emotions in favor of feel-good things only sets us up for a “striving state of mind,” according to Ford, which is paradoxical to finding peace and acceptance.
The good news is that acceptance can be learned. You can start by thinking of “your emotions as passing clouds, visible but not a part of you,” MacLellan suggests. Next time you experience a negative emotion or feel pressured to smile when you’re really not feeling it, remember that, as Ford explains, “acceptance involves not trying to change how we are feeling, but staying in touch with your feelings and taking them for what they are.”
Read more on Quartz.