Tag Archives: relationships

Gen X

the_breakfast_club_3

Fun article on Generation X. We’re all middle aged now! As an astrologer, I find it interesting to watch my generation as they travel through life. We are meant to shake things up. We were born during the tumultuous 1960’s, when Uranus and Pluto were in a conjunction in Virgo. We are redefining technology, communication, service, health, habits, and what it means to achieve a dream.

“The tech, music, style, books, trends, rules, films and pills that made Gen X … so so-so.”

“Like many things considered “cool,” Gen X is pretty exclusive. You had to be born between 1965 and 1980 to get in to this gloomy, goofy club of forgotten middle children, and only about 65 million of us were. (Both boomers, at 75 million, and millennials, at 83 million, far outnumber us.)

The idea behind that “X” was about coming between. Gen X supposedly didn’t know what they were, or what they wanted. All they knew, they were told, was what they didn’t want — marriage, money, success — and then they shrugged and popped a Prozac.

And you know what else Gen X is? Getting older. Its oldest members are 54; its youngest are preparing for 40. As we try to make sense of that fact, here’s a look at the stuff we loved and hated, as well as a re-evaluation of things like “The Rules,” grunge, CK One and 1994; an appreciation of John Singleton; a quiz to figure out which generation you actually are; and a visit with Evan Dando, plus some dynamite for the myths that have always dogged Gen X. So put on your headphones, click on that Walkman below (surprise!) and let’s travel through this time machine together.” — Anya Strzemien

Week of July 1st

moonNew Moon in Cancer on Tuesday.
Mercury at 2 Leo.
Mars into Leo Monday, 7/1.
Venus at 26 Gemini.
Jupiter at 17 Sagittarius, retrograde.
Saturn, Pluto at 20ish Capricorn, retrograde

Monday 7/1: Moon in Gemini, into Cancer early evening. Careful not to offend anyone today; avoid social complications. Mars into Leo at 1:20pm. We are in the orb of the New Moon, a solar eclipse in Cancer, and emotions are near the surface. People are hyper-sensitive and unwilling to face conflicts. Go with the current of your life, and put your energies towards things you have control over.

Tuesday 7/2: New Moon, Solar Eclipse at 10 Cancer at 12:16pm Pacific. Avoid confronting anyone today – but allow yourself to be indulgent. Aries, Cancerians, Libras and Capricorns, be on your best behavior this week; keep yourselves well rested. Good day for creativity, love, tending plants and animals, opening up and clearing the house. We begin a new monthly cycle today.

Wednesday 7/3: Moon in Cancer all day. Simmering tensions can erupt, so keep your cool until you can approach a dispute in a calm and neutral way. Try not to take things personally.

Thursday 7/4: Moon in Leo. Today is a better day to seek acknowledgement and cooperation from those in leadership positions. It’s a good night to go out and socialize.

Friday 7/5: Moon in Leo. Definitely go and see a show.

Saturday 6/22: Moon into Virgo. Today we balance the books, do weekly shopping and get organized. Tackle anything requiring attention to detail.

Cancer:

The Sun is in Cancer until July 21st; cruising along with the North Node and opposing Saturn and Pluto at various points. This is a month of extremes, and balancing the need to nurture others with the more important task of taking care of ourselves. Learn to be your own Mother, and don’t depend on others to fill that role.

Cancer is ruled by the Moon, which rules the tides of our emotions, maternal instincts, fruitfulness, creativity, the womb, and other concepts around nurturing. It’s the most nostalgic of the signs, which means Cancerians are deeply connected to their families and ancestors. They are in spiritual communication with ancestral places and people. This quality also lends itself to psychic ability. They feel what’s going on with their surrounding people and environment.

Traditionally, the sign of Cancer is seen as the personality closely connected to the Home. Wherever Cancer falls in your chart, that is the place where you experience great sensitivity and fertility. Also, Cancer rules the 4th House, which symbolizes our Home and Family roots.  This makes Cancer uniquely gifted at communicating with house spirits and earth deities.

Because Cancerians “feel” things so tangibly, it’s difficult to have deep, real, constructive communication with them. They are like the crab on the seashore that moves side to side to avoid conflict – and often resort to passive-aggressive behavior. They hide in a thick, hard shell and are obsessed with security. They can be extremely moody as well. But on the whole, they are fantastic people to associate with, due to their vulnerability. They teach us all that emotions are real, important, and need to be valued and expressed to live a full life.

 

If You’re Unhappy With Your Life, It’s Your Responsibility To Change It

magick (2)

By Dian Tinio
Updated June 16, 2019

“Oftentimes, we settle for what we think is right, acceptable and safe. We are so dominated by the idea of staying because it feels scary to move. Because it feels frightening to face a whole new environment without the people, the things, or the places we’ve been so used to.
We are so terrified by the idea of moving on, because we feel like we just can’t move on and leave things behind. We sacrifice our own being, our own happiness. We choose to compromise all these because we choose to stay, when we should really be moving on, moving forward.

If you’re unhappy, MOVE. Because if you’re meant to stay in one place, you should have roots, instead of feet.

If you’re unhappy with your job, quit. If you feel like, you’re no longer growing, no longer learning, if you’re no longer productive, if you’re only clocking in and out every single day – then move. If you’re constantly stressing over the fact that it drains you mentally, physically and emotionally, then move. If you’re thinking of just sticking with that job that never fails to suck your joy because it pays the bills and you might be “promoted” there and can call yourself “successful” and “happier” – NO. Your happiness does not depend on your success. Your success actually depends on your happiness. If you think there are new opportunities, new places, new things you can explore and will contribute to your soul and to your individual growth, then go there. If it’s worth your time thinking, then it’s worth trying. No one’s too old to try. Whether it ends good or bad, it’s still an experience. Let’s not forget that every experience teaches us a valuable lesson that we might never learn if we choose otherwise.

If you’re unhappy with the people you surround yourself with, leave. If you feel like they no longer influence you positively and you no longer prosper with them then leave. By leaving, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting them off of your life or you’re forgetting them forever, it just simply means that you are finally moving forward. The time you had with them was spectacular. There were learnings and encouragements but when they are no longer a vessel of such and all they do is drag you into settling for mediocrity, then maybe it’s time to say your “thank you” and “see you again”. You are just recognizing that you need to go on with your life, perhaps without them.

If you’re unhappy with your love life, end it. They aren’t the last people on earth. Romantic relationships are more than forehead kisses, dinner dates, tight hugs and sweet letters – romantic relationships just like any other vital connection you have, is supposed to mature with you. Romantic relationships are supposed to let you flourish and develop in every aspect of who you are. It is supposed to hearten you every morning and not weigh you down with doubts and resentments. If your partner becomes a constant instrument of heartache and toxicity, then cut them off. You are not obliged to burden yourself with such. They are supposed to be one of the top people who will propel you to be at your best, to motivate you and allow you to discover the extent of your grandeur. Remember that, always. Who knows, maybe in the near future you’ll meet someone who’ll contribute to your soul even more.

If you’re unhappy with your city, move. Don’t get stranded with comfort zones and safety nets. Familiarity is good but too much familiarity is not that good. A little risk and uncertainty can go a long long way. If you’re only staying because you feel it’s secured and because you’re already living there for a long while now that it is “home” or that it is “convenient” – well, you might want to re-think your decisions. Being comfortable can be a whole lot scarier than taking risks. You stopped conquering magnificent things when you start getting comfortable. Remember, great things come outside of our comfort zone. So pack your things, leave your city and move to another one if you must. Go out on this adventure to nowhere. Start anew. Search for a place you might like to visit, a place you might like to stay. Now is the time. Home is where your happiness is, not where it’s guarded.

If you’re unhappy with your life path, take any turn possible. Whether it is your college course or your career path, or your business direction – whatever path it is that you’re taking right now, if it reeks strong discontentment, then it’s the perfect time to take a pause and redirect yourself. If you’re taking a course you don’t like, shift. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to waste years, effort and money on something you never even love in the first place. It will only teach you to settle. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t embolden you, you’ll still feel devoid, exhausted. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re graduating next year, you better decide before you find yourself trapped in an office chair with loads of shitty work you don’t even understand and doesn’t enrich your passion. If you’re investing years of your precious time and expertise in a career path you’re not even appeased with, shift. If you don’t see yourself on the same path in the years to come, what’s the point? There is no right time to shift and leave, you do it when you feel like it. You do it when you’re unhappy. You do it now. Take on a new path, embrace diversity and development. Whatever path it is you’re in right now, if you’re unhappy, take a turn. Whether it is left or right, as long as you’re happy, you will not lose yourself.

If you’re unhappy with how you see life, move your sight. See life from a different view, a different perspective. Re-acquaint yourself with life. Worrying or over-thinking things don’t change how life is. Like they say, don’t stress over the things you can’t change. The only thing you can do is fix your eyes on a different light, see life in all its splendor. Stop viewing it for all its troubles. Life is beautiful.
If you’re unhappy where you are right now, move. It’s as simple as that, I don’t know why we make everything so complicated. Why we spend so much of our time and energy scrutinizing everything, when the only thing we should really be thinking about is our own happiness.

Thus, instead of dreading and over-examining every decision you need to make in your life, trust your guts. Sometimes, taking risks and clinging to perplexity is a good thing. You don’t always have to weigh the pros and cons of things, sometimes there is only one thing that really, truly matters and that is; your happiness, your passion for this life and your hunger for a contented heart. You don’t have to be sure of where you’re going or what the next step is; sometimes all you have to do is take the first step and that is to MOVE.”

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women

father-and-daughter-silhouette-494x329

“People who lose their parents early in life are like fellow war veterans. As soon as they discover that they are talking to someone else who has lost a parent, they know they are speaking the same language without uttering a word.” – Pamela Thomas

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.”

“Growing Up Without a Dad Shapes Who You Are” by McKenna Meyers

“It took six decades, but I can finally utter a huge truth that caused me tremendous shame and sadness: My father didn’t love me. I never spoke that deep, dark secret, but it was always festering inside of me. It manifested itself in many ways throughout my life as I struggled with a food obsession, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression.
Whether a dad was present but rejecting like mine or walked away from his fatherly duties entirely, his absence leaves an indelible mark on a daughter’s psyche as she grows into adulthood.

Below, you’ll find six ways a daughter may be affected by an uninvolved dad.

1. Fatherless Daughters Have Self-Esteem Issues

According to Deborah Moskovitch, an author and divorce consultant, kids often blame themselves when dad leaves the home and becomes less involved in their lives. When they aren’t given an explanation about why dad left, they make up their own scenario and jump to the conclusion that it’s their fault and that they’re unlovable.
This is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on daughters’ self esteem. Her confidence in her own abilities and value as a human being can be greatly diminished if her father isn’t there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a woman’s self esteem is diminished in every setting if she did not form a healthy relationship with her father

2. Daughters With Absent Fathers Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships

According to Pamela Thomas, author of Fatherless Daughters (a book that examines how women cope with the loss of a father via death or divorce), women who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scarred by their dad’s rejection of them, they don’t want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.
Ever since childhood, I’ve built walls around myself. I didn’t open up to people. I didn’t ask questions about their families, jobs, or hobbies. I kept my life private, and I remained socially isolated. These were all self-protective measures so I wouldn’t experience rejection like I did with my dad. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to help me change my behavior because my fear of rejection was more powerful than my desire to make connections.

3. Women With Absent Fathers Are More Likely to Have Eating Disorders

In their book The Parent’s Guide to Eating Disorders, the authors Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto write eloquently about the fact that girls with physically or emotionally absent fathers are at greater risk of developing eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge-eating, body dysmorphia, unhealthy preoccupations with food or body weight, and other eating disorders are all more likely if a girl does not have a father figure as she’s growing up. Daughters without dads are also twice as likely to be obese. Because her longing to have a close relationship with her dad is denied, she may develop what Margo Maine (author of Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, & Food) calls “father hunger,” a deep emptiness and a profound insecurity. Daughters are left wondering: What’s so wrong with me that my own father doesn’t love me? If I looked different—if I was thin—would I earn daddy’s love?
I’ve struggled with “father hunger” throughout my life—stuffing my face to fill the void, dieting to get model-thin, and always obsessing about food. My days have been filled with thoughts of eating—either doing it or struggling mightily not to. When I accepted that my dad didn’t love me and that he was an unhappy man with deep-rooted problems, I finally started eating normally and began maintaining a healthy weight. I began treating myself in a loving way by exercising, gardening, reading, walking in the woods, and spending time with family. For the first time in my life, I only thought about food when I was truly hungry. This freed me to enjoy my life in so many wonderful ways.

4. Daughters of Absent Fathers Are More Prone to Depression

Not surprisingly, girls who grew up with dads who were emotionally or physically absent are more likely to struggle with depression as adults. Because they fear abandonment and rejection, these women often isolate themselves emotionally. They avoid healthy romantic relationships because they don’t feel deserving and fear getting hurt, but they might jump into unhealthy relationships that ultimately lead to heartbreak. In either scenario, the women are in emotional peril and frequently become depressed. If they don’t deal with the cause of their sadness—an absent dad—they may never be able to develop healthy relationships with men.
To top it all off, data suggests that children without fathers are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
According to Denna Babul and Karin Louise, authors of The Fatherless Daughter Project, it’s helpful to simply realize that we’re not alone. In fact, one in three women see themselves as fatherless and struggle with feelings of abandonment. Knowing this fact helps us see that there’s a whole sisterhood out there who share a common pain and a need to connect. When we open up and share our journey, we help both ourselves and each other. Whether we feel the loss of a dad through death, divorce, drug addiction, estrangement, or emotional neglect, we must grieve in order to move forward. Read Five Steps to Heal Her Pain: How a Fatherless Daughter Can Move On From Her Dad’s Rejection for ideas on how to avoid falling into depression. A gifted therapist can be key to helping us do just that and becoming happier people.

5. Dadless Daughters Are More Likely to Become Sexually Active Earlier

Studies have shown the many benefits that come from a strong father-daughter bond. Most notably, girls who are close to their dads are less likely to get pregnant as teens. They delay engaging in sexual relationships, wait longer to get married and have children, and when they do find a husband, their marriages are more emotionally satisfying, stable, and long-lasting.
Countless studies also show that women who have unstable or absent paternal relationships are more likely to start having sex earlier and engage risky sexual behaviors. Daughters are four times more likely to get pregnant as a teen if dad isn’t in the picture. Studies show that more than 70% of unplanned teenage pregnancies occur in homes where there is no father.

6. Abandoned Daughters Are Susceptible to Addiction

As with depression, eating disorders, and low self esteem, the absence of a father can trap a daughter in a negative repetitive pattern she can’t easily break out of and turn to drugs to self-medicate and help numb the pain. She is more likely to find herself trapped in a cycle of substance abuse, for example. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Not only are kids in father-absent households about four times more likely to be poor (which can trigger many negative cycles), fatherless adolescents were found to be 69% more likely to use drugs and 76% more likely to commit crimes.

Can a Daughter Survive Without a Father?

Try as I might, I was never been able to get any traction, always making a mess of this or that and never able to form long-lasting friendships. I rejected happiness because I never felt worthy of it. I did so much to sabotage my life and make myself miserable.
Then last year my older sister revealed to me that she, too, had felt unloved by him. I immediately felt enormous relief and then great euphoria. I realized it had never been about me—that I was bad, ugly, stupid and undeserving. It had always been about him—his unhappy childhood, his cold mother, his negative nature, and his dissatisfaction with being a husband and father. It had never been about me…never.
I could finally shout: “You were a piece of crap and now I’m done with you! I’m not your prisoner any more!”
According to Caitlin Marvaso, AMFT, a grief counselor and therapist, to recover from a father’s abandonment, a woman “must learn how to father herself, hold herself, and receive the type of love a father provides. It is a lifelong process, but with the proper support, tools, and patience, it is totally possible. That being said, the grief and pain never goes away, it just changes.”
A daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realizes that the problem isn’t her, it’s him. This is the first step toward healing.

What Is Fatherless Daughter Syndrome?

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.
Does the Reason Affect the Result of Fatherlessness?
Half of the daughters in the US self-identify as having no father in their lives, but the reasons for that fatherlessness vary. Approximately 28% lost their connection to their dads via divorce or separation, while 26% cite emotional absence as the reason for the estrangement. 19% lost their fathers to death, 13% to abandonment, 13% to addiction, 12% to abuse, and 4% to incarceration. 6% say they never met their father.
Certainly, a daughter whose loving dad passed away when she was 15 will be affected differently than a daughter whose father abandoned her when she was born. Unfortunately, many studies do not account for the reasons for fatherlessness.
The effects of fatherlessness can be mitigated by many factors. Daughters who were brought up in households with two moms, a loving and very-involved step parent, or participating grandparents or other extended family members will probably not experience the same lasting wounds and negative impact of a father’s abandonment.

What Are the Emotional Effects of Being Abandoned by a Father?

Compared to those with healthy paternal relationships, fatherless women report…
feeling less happiness and lower levels of well-being,
higher levels of frustration, anger, and anger-related depression,
difficulty navigating the emotions of intimate relationships, and
overwhelming fears of abandonment.

What Are the Psychological Effects of an Absent Father?

To summarize, depression, suicide, eating disorders, obesity (and its effects), early sexual activity, addiction-formation, and difficulty building and holding on to loving relationships are all side-effects of an absent father.

Week of June 3rd

kingf

New Moon in Gemini, Monday June 3rd.
Mercury into Cancer (weakened).
Mars at 11 Cancer (in it’s fall; no Mars Magick).
Venus at 25 Taurus (rulership; VERY strong).
Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto retrograde.

Face the Shadow. We’re still excavating our lives with the Saturn-conjunct-Pluto-both-retrograde aspect. It will be closely exact THIS month, and will continue to wind it’s way through the year ahead. Wherever this is landing in your chart, you are being profoundly shifted. Saturn is forcing you to face the reality of your life, and Pluto is bringing up our toxic energy on a personal and collective level. Pluto is forcing us to purge, purify and reform ourselves. Resisting these shifts will create big problems, so just relax and go with the flow. Pay attention to stuff that isn’t working for you anymore and if you can, make changes.

Monday: New Moon in Gemini at 3am Pacific. Makes our minds and communication zingy. Great day for negotiation, socializing, studying, playing games, birthing new ideas and using your mind in a new way. Venus in a trine with Pluto last night brings intensity to creative endeavors and sexy time.

Tuesday: Moon in Cancer. Mercury into Cancer at 1:03pm Pacific. Mercury isn’t happy in Cancer, so no Mercury Magick for awhile… unless you’re sidereal of course. Mercury wants to be zippy, but gets drenched in this highly sensitive, nurturing watery energy of Cancer. Creative thinking is enhanced however.

Wednesday: Moon in Cancer. Handle things around your home and personal life. You might want to stay home tonight, relax and eat comfort food. Feelings are hyper-sensitive today and tomorrow, so avoid arguments or complications.

Thursday: Moon in Leo. It’s a good day to seek acknowledgement and generosity from those in leadership positions. It’s a good night to go out and see any type live performance.

Friday: Moon in Leo. Go out and shine, and show your heart.

Saturday: Moon into Virgo. A day of organization and self care. Also, Venus enters Gemini near 6:30pm Pacific, bringing fresh delight to any social gatherings. Creative time for writers, thinkers, and artists. Self expression flows easily, and we gravitate towards like-minded people.

Full Moon in Scorpio

veil

Full Moon at 27 Scorpio 2:11pm Pacific, Saturday May 18th. (Moon in it’s fall)
Mercury at 21 Taurus (no mercurial Magick until May 21st)
Mars at 2 Cancer (in it’s fall; no Mars Magick)
Venus at 1 Taurus (rulership; VERY strong)
Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto retrograde

It’s as intense as it sounds. Avoid social complications this weekend, and if they are unavoidable, keep calm and try not to create more of a crisis. That being said it’s also possible to deeply connect with a lover or companion. This is a weekend to go within and explore your own triggers, face your fears, swim through your own depths and rebirth yourself. Scorpio is a psychological sign, and the Full Moon will illuminate the depths of your psyche.

Mercury in Taurus wants to slow down and think in a practical way – but the energy of Mercury wants to flit about like a hummingbird. It’s a strange placement but not too terrible. Organize your possessions and negotiate at home and work. Gemini’s and Virgo’s might appreciate the focus on their material lives for another week.

Venus in Taurus is extremely well placed. Excellent month for creativity, money, relationships, sensuality, food and beauty. Taurus or Libra Sun (or Rising) people will feel centered now, and can make strides towards creating a thriving life. You guys are in your element. Bring more nature, romance, art and music into your life. Women will feel empowered, and the legislation to control a women’s body will probably fail miserably because of this placement.

Mars in Cancer means the planet is in it’s “fall” – it’s energy and expression is severely limited. Actions (especially attacks) will lack teeth and will fizzle out. It’s challenging to make headway when Mars is in Cancer, so focus on nurturing yourself and your home instead. With the North Node in Cancer right now, vulnerability and nurturing is highlighted. Express yourself respectfully. The actions of men are diminished with Mars in Cancer, and they need to seek out nurturing. Call your Moms ❤

The psychological depth of this Full Moon in Scorpio tomorrow, is further enhanced by Saturn and Pluto retrograding and conjunct through Capricorn. We are in the midst of deep, cathartic changes within ourselves, and outwardly in our society. This change will be in motion for the next couple of years, and will send us in a more mature and sustainable direction. We all need to take the focus off of others, or our outward experiences, and commit to doing our inner work. And with the North Node in Cancer, this inner work needs to happen in a loving and nurturing way.

Pluto brings up power struggles, catharsis, research, healing and our toxic energy. With Pluto’s power we can heal our toxic wounds and regenerate ourselves like the Phoenix.

Saturn wants us to grow up and face our problems like adults. It rules responsibility, discipline, commitment, stability, karma, and hard work. Face your fears and do the work you’ve been putting off. If you do this, Saturn will support you and give you the strength you need to move forward in your life.