Tag Archives: Female Empowerment

Week of November 23rd

Sword and Rose by Raoul Vitale

CURRENTLY:
Sun at 3 Sagittarius
Mercury at 17 Scorpio (telling secrets)
Venus at 2 Scorpio (debilitated)
Mars at 15 Aries (Rulership)
Jupiter at 24 Capricorn (fall, very weak)
Saturn at 27 Capricorn (rulership)
Neptune RETROGRADE at 18 Pisces (rulership, strong)
Pluto at 23 Capricorn
North Node at 20 Gemini

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The Sun has finished it’s travels through Scorpio, and we’ve officially entered the sign of Sagittarius, the Archer. For the next month, we will be reassessing our Truth, and aligning ourselves with new meaning and purpose. The Archer chooses a goal, and focuses her energy there before releasing her arrow. Now is the time to examine our goals, and prioritize what is most important to us.

We’ve been through SO much transformation this year, and most of us are feeling exhausted… but we aren’t out of the woods yet. Jupiter and Pluto joined together a couple of weeks ago, and now Jupiter is on it’s way to catch up with Saturn at the end of December. Once that last conjunction happens, and these planets begin to move into Aquarius, things will start to turn a corner.

This week is manageable, but also a gradual build up to our fifth eclipse of the year, a lunar eclipse next Monday, November 30th in Gemini. During an eclipse, hidden issues arise and come to light to be handled – and since it’s a Full Moon – the issues are emotional in nature.

Also, the planet Neptune is at a stop all week, about to turn Direct this Saturday in Pisces. This will heighten our intuition, but also contribute to brain fog, fatigue, and feelings of being lost. If you feel these things just relax into it and stay in the present moment. Neptune is great for creativity and spiritual pursuits, so put your energy there.

Monday, November 23rd: Moon in Pisces. Moon in a water sign makes this an emotional and spiritual start to the week. Pisces makes things fuzzy and undefined… not the best day for negotiation. Mercury trine Neptune at 8:40pm Pacific encourages healing through inspiration, imagination and spiritual strength.

Tuesday, November 24th: Moon in Aries chases Mars, and also trines the Sun newly in Sagittarius. It’s a wonderful, fiery day, so be careful about emotional outbursts or headstrong behavior. It’s a creative day full of ideas!

Wednesday, November 25th: Moon in Aries, and conjuncts Mars and Black Moon Lilith. Tests might come up around your identity. The best use of this energy is setting boundaries where needed.

Thursday, November 26th: THANKSGIVING! Moon void-of-course in Aries at 3:45pm Pacific, then slows waaaay down as it enters Taurus at 7:43pm. Even though many of us will be away from our families this year, it will still be a day of feasting, overindulgence and sensory delights. Live it up!

Friday, November 27th: Moon in Taurus. We are in the realm of the Full Moon eclipse on Monday, November 30th, so things could be getting intense. Any activity that awakens the five senses is highlighted. Get outside today and appreciate nature. Very passionate date night.

Saturday, November 28th: Moon at the end of Taurus and Neptune stationing Direct. Love, beauty, passion, commitment, nature, animals, and the Divine Feminine are the energies to focus on this weekend. Look back to June 23rd, when Neptune went retrograde, to see what themes have arisen for you from this transit. When Neptune is stationary there’s two paths we can take: the first is inspiration, clear dreams, heightened intuition, and mystical revelations. The other path is escapism, leading to illusions, hyper-sensitivity, drama, and over indulgence in substances. Try not to overindulge in alcohol, drugs, sugar, shopping, etc.

Sunday, November 29th: Moon in Gemini. Very chatty day full of socializing and online purchases. The Full Moon Eclipse is tomorrow, so no big decisions today.

Week of October 26th: Halloween

“Death” tarot card by Salvador Dali

CURRENTLY:
Sun at 4 Scorpio
Mercury RETROGRADE at 2 Scorpio
Venus at 28 Virgo
Mars RETROGRADE at 16 Aries (Rulership)
Jupiter at 20 Capricorn (fall, very weak)
Saturn at 25 Capricorn (rulership)
Neptune RETROGRADE at 18 Pisces (rulership)
Pluto at 22 Capricorn
North Node at 22 Gemini

Crossroads. This is the week leading up to Halloween; a primal festival with ancient roots. You can feel it in your bones. It is the last harvest festival of the year, the witches new year, and the last night before the fairies go underground for the winter. The boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead is at it’s thinnest point for the next several weeks.

Halloween is one of the year’s four cross-quarter holidays, and marks the midway point between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice. However, True Halloween occurs when the Sun reaches 15 degrees Scorpio, which is usually around November 7th. The Sun went into Scorpio last week, and we are officially in the season of death and rebirth.

Last week we released an old relationship pattern that no longer worked for us, and this week we begin a deep dive into exploring our passions, healing psychological wounds and uncovering hidden agendas. Sun in Scorpio represents honesty and passion, and wherever it appears in your chart is where you walk fearlessly through the shadows to find passion and treasure.

Monday, October 26th: Moon in Pisces. Sun and Moon in water signs makes this an emotional and spiritual start to the week. Take a break if you have to, so you can find your true feeling about a situation, and then express this honestly in your communications. Moon in Pisces allows for self forgiveness, abstract thoughts and creativity.

Tuesday, October 27th: Moon in Pisces, Mercury and Venus BOTH enter Libra! Yay! It’s rare for two planets to enter a sign at the same time – and from opposite ends. Mercury backs out of Scorpio and lands on the last degree of Libra, rehashing situations from the last week of September. Cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn) get some pleasant avenues opening up as Venus arrives at 0 Libra.

Wednesday, October 28th: Moon in Aries. Watch out for head strong behavior or taking on more than you can handle. The best use of this energy is handling situations that take courage and strength, and setting boundaries.

Thursday, October 29th: Moon in Aries conjuncts Mars and Black Moon Lilith. Tests might come up around your identity and who you are becoming. Best to go slow and stay present with yourself so you can respond properly in the moment. Each of us has a new way of being, and a new life, but with Mars still retrograde, it’s not the time to push forward yet.

Friday, October 30th: All Hallows Eve. Moon VOC, then entering Taurus at 2:19pm Pacific. We are in the realm of Halloween and the orb of the Full Moon. Any activity that awakens the five senses is highlighted. It’s a sensual full moon near Black Moon Lilith, so equality and respect are demanded. Very passionate night.

Saturday, October 31st: Halloween. Full (Blue) Moon at 8 Taurus at 7:49am Pacific. Love, beauty, passion, commitment, nature, animals, and the Divine Feminine are the energies to focus on this weekend. Try and avoid power struggles, control issues and obsession. Pushiness and bullying will get you nowhere. Listen to others, respect their wishes and look to the common good. Taurus wants us all to be healthy and secure, so trick or treating will be on hold this year.

Sunday, November 1st: Witches New Year. Sun in Scorpio/Moon in Taurus. The phoenix rises from the ashes. Day to take stock, rest, and decide where to focus your energies for the coming Winter.

Week of September 28th

Valentine Cameron Prinsep – At the First Touch of Winter, Summer Fades Away, 1897

CURRENTLY:
Sun at 6 Libra
Mercury at 1 Scorpio
Venus at 25 Leo
Mars RETROGRADE at 25 Aries (Rulership)
Jupiter DIRECT at 17 Capricorn (fall, very weak)
Saturn STATIONING at 25 Capricorn (rulership)
Neptune RETROGRADE at 19 Pisces (rulership, strong)
Pluto RETROGRADE at 22 Capricorn
North Node at 23 Gemini

Can you feel the weight of Saturn? It is the planet of reality, discipline, responsibility, karma, and time, and it is currently standing still in the skies over the East Coast of the United States. Saturn in Capricorn is stationing (standing still), and turned Direct on Monday (9/28). We will feel the weight of this all week. If you have any planets around 25 degrees in any cardinal sign, you will be STRONGLY effected by the energy of this event.

On top of that, Saturn (patriarchy) is in a tight square with an aggressive group of planets near 25 Aries – Eris (discord), Mars (courage and assertiveness) and Lilith (rebellion). Female empowerment is greatly enhanced from this configuration. This square will bring up issues around leadership and control, and could bring violence this week.

Far eastern beliefs and practices state that we are surrounded by impermanence; that the only thing that is truly ours is the beauty of the present moment. Everyone and everything we know will eventually turn into something else. This the way of the world and the archetype of the Fall season. Our planet, society and personal lives are in a state of huge transition, and the best we can do is approach our challenges with love. Appreciate the people around you and the blessings you have in your life.

Monday, September 28th: Moon in Pisces. Mercury also entered Scorpio yesterday, bringing great depth and honesty to communications. Our minds are refocused and our powers of concentration are heightened. Moon in Pisces trines Mercury today, allowing us to express abstract thoughts in a clear way. With Saturn stationing Direct tonight, practice mindfulness and discipline.

Tuesday, September 29th: Moon in Pisces, Saturn stations Direct in Capricorn. Any Earth sign folks should be feeling a new sense of security today, but any Cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra) could get a reality check on their grand designs. With the Moon in Pisces, meditate and contemplate your life. Music and spirituality soothe the soul and ignite our imaginations. Great night to play or listen to music and make art.

Wednesday, September 30th: Moon VOC in Pisces. No big decisions or important conversations with authority. I would avoid that until next week if possible. Follow your intuition, go with the flow, and make time for solitude.

Thursday, October 1st: Full Moon in Aries. Watch for messages from the Universe about your identity, and your experience of evolutionary shifts. Each of us is changing and evolving into new, upgraded version. Each of us has a new way of being, and a new life. Focus your ambition and drive towards things you want to accomplish.

Friday, October 2nd: Moon In Aries, and Venus into Virgo. We are still feeling energetic, and good progress can be made now. Aries is the sign of individuality, so it’s all about YOU. Venus in Virgo is in it’s fall – which is one of the most difficult placements for the planet to express itself. Instead of art, put energy into organization.

Saturday, October 3rd: Moon in Taurus and Pluto in Capricorn stationing. Evolution, research, reformation and healing are the energies to focus on this weekend. Venus and Pluto are in tense placement this weekend, which can bring difficulties in relationships. Try and avoid power struggles, control issues and obsession. Pushiness and bullying will get you nowhere. Listen to others, respect their wishes and look to the common good.

Sunday, October 4th: Moon in Taurus and Pluto Stationing Direct in Capricorn. The phoenix rises from the ashes. Eris, the planet of discord is in the sign of Aries, the Individual. She is in a tense square to her brother Pluto, the planet of extremes, in the sign of Capricorn, which symbolizes control and the patriarchy. Be careful if you’re out there protesting.

Week of September 1st

Hasui Kawase, (1883-1957) Moon at Megome, 1930 (Woodblock print)

CURRENTLY:
Sun at 8 Virgo
Mercury at 18 Virgo
Venus at 22 Cancer (neutral)
Mars at 27 Aries (Rulership)
Jupiter RETROGRADE at 17 Capricorn (fall, very weak)
Saturn RETROGRADE at 26 Capricorn (rulership)
Neptune at 19 Pisces (rulership, strong)
Pluto RETROGRADE at 22 Capricorn
North Node at 25 Gemini

Full Moon in Pisces Tuesday evening, which is normally a spiritual and peaceful event, however, issues around leadership, control and violence will be evident this week. Eris, the planet of Discord is in the sign of Aries, the Individual. She is in a tense square to her brother Pluto, the planet of extremes, in the sign of Capricorn, which symbolizes control and the patriarchy. I would avoid honestly avoid protests this week and the foreseeable future.

Monday, August 31st: Moon in Aquarius. Believe in your genius and gifts. No one else in the world can express your unique energy, so it’s up to you. People are friendly, and progress can be made in communications. With an Aquarius Moon, video chat with your friends or community. If you encounter stubbornness, practice mindfulness.

Tuesday, September 1st: Full (HARVEST) Moon in Pisces at 10:22pm. Meditate and contemplate. Music and spirituality soothe the soul and ignite our imaginations. Great night to play or listen to music, or do your art!

Wednesday, September 2nd: Full Moon in Pisces continues. Follow your intuition, go with the flow, and make time for solitude. Also, Venus opposition to Saturn is exact in the morning. Venus (women, art creativity) comes up against the reality and discipline needed to be productive. Women might come up against resistance in the work place. You are being asked to be patient, but to also completely own who you are and who you’re growing in to! Venus going through oppositions with Saturn and Pluto this week illuminates the areas where you are evolving and setting boundaries. Watch for messages from the Universe!

Thursday, September 3rd: Moon in Aries. Use what you’ve learned from the Full Moon this week to start something new today! Focus your ambition and drive towards things you want to accomplish. Aries is the sign of individuality, so it’s all about YOU. Try and get yourself grounded before undertaking anything. Lots of energy for adventures, creativity, and new projects.

Friday, September 4th: Moon In Aries. We are still feeling energetic and good progress can be made in the morning. Venus square Mars today brings sexy tension to relationships! With Mars in Aries and Venus in Cancer, be sensitive to the other person’s feelings, and make sure there is good understanding between you before taking any action.

Saturday, September 5th: Moon in Aries and Mercury into Libra! Our mental focus changes from analysis and nervousness to balance and creativity. You will receive lots of wonderful artistic and creative ideas. Communications in relationships will get a positive boost. Focus on being balanced and fair in your dealings with others.

Sunday, September 6th: Moon in Taurus. The coziness of home. Nice evening to cook and be around loved ones. Venus enters Leo today too! All of us will feel the urge to shine, express our individuality and be more outgoing. Love and art become fiery and passionate, and women step into leadership. Make use of this month, Venus will be in Leo until October 2nd. For artists, let yourself loose to experiment and show whatever you discovered while Venus was in Cancer.

She Isn’t High-Maintenance, You’re Just Low Effort

high-maintenance-woman

I saw the title of this article and was intrigued… it’s an interesting idea…

There are plenty of women AND men in the world who are ridiculously demanding, self absorbed and emotionally avoidant, but I don’t hear men being called “high maintenance” very often. When a woman is called “high maintenance”, it could be true, but it also might be a way of dismissing her power. Maybe a woman referred to as high maintenance, is actually high value.

It takes effort to make your life work well, to heal yourself and become a high value person. It takes a lot of work, and ANYONE can do it.

Getting your s*** together is worth it, because it helps one to thrive in life. A high value person, in my view, is someone who takes responsibility for the own happiness, makes an effort to not cause harm or hurt to others, and lives a life of honor and integrity.

It’s someone who aims to live a life in harmony with the eight fold path in Buddhism: right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. Once this person has achieved their own happiness and stability, they try to be helpful to others and guide and support them too.

“Last time I checked, having standards doesn’t make a woman high-maintenance, it just makes her a person who knows what she wants.
It doesn’t make her a mission impossible, it just requires a bit more effort than it normally would. And putting in extra effort can be a problem to some, which is why it’s always easier to come up with excuses than it is to step up your game.

She is the kind of woman who doesn’t depend on anyone.
It’s because she knows to lean on someone in life means to be left without anything once that someone decides to walk away from her.

That’s why she takes care of herself and she makes life good for herself. She doesn’t need you to do that for her.
She’s perfectly capable of doing it on her own.
She knows her worth.
She feels good about herself and she isn’t afraid to show it. But she only feels this way because she’s worked hard on herself.
She’s aware of how much she brings to the table and she always keeps in mind that she’s more than good enough.

And there is nothing more valuable in this world than a woman who knows her worth.

She knows where she wants to be in life. And she knows how to get there too. She’s a person who constantly pushes her limits and who’s constantly trying.

She keeps working on herself. She takes care of her looks and her brains as well.
She knows what she deserves.
And she isn’t settling for anything less. That’s why she might appear as high-maintenance to some. But she is just asking for as much as she’s ready to give and that’s all.
In case you’re failing to reach her standards or win her over, perhaps it’s not the problem that she has set her standards high, but that you have your efforts set really low?

You don’t get to disrespect her.
She doesn’t let people treat her badly and she never allows other people to project their insecurities on her.
She is a high-value woman and she holds her head high. That’s why she’ll never put up with someone who tries to bring her down to feel good about himself or with someone who disrespects her.
You don’t get to treat her right only sometimes.
She wants constant effort and she deserves someone who’ll treat her right on all occasions.
She deserves someone who’ll treat her right even when she makes a mistake. She deserves someone who’ll try constantly to prove his love, his admiration and his commitment to her.
You don’t get to be mediocre.”

Read full article here

 

Female Saints

15844068_10154061505357601_1408951836984740967_o

Here is an interesting rewrite of Liber XV, the Gnostic Mass, incorporating female saints in place of the usual male saints list. If you recognize the author, please let me know!

I love it ❤

“Mother of Fertility on whose breast lieth water, whose cheek is caressed by air, and in whose heart is the Sun’s fire, womb of all life, recurring grace of seasons, answer favorably the prayer of labor, and to pastors and husbandmen be thou propitious. With love we honor them that did of old adore Thee and manifest thy VICTORY unto the world:

Shekinah, Shakti, Sophia, Athena, Iymma, Isis, and Hé Kokkiné Guné. With these also: Sappho, Hypatia, Medea, Miriam, Fatimah, and Guenevere; Joan of Arc, Hildegard von Bingen, Caterina Benincasa, Teresa of Ávila, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, and Rebecca Cox Jackson, who bore the labarum of Light through the darkness. And these also: Eva von Buttlar, Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Ida Craddock, Anandamoyi Ma, and Vivian Godfrey Barcynski; “Anna Sprengel,” Florence Farr, Violet Firth, and Ann Davies, who nurtured a Golden Dawn; Rose Edith Crowley, Leah Hirsig, Sarah Jane Wolfe, and Phyllis Evelina Seckler –

O Boundless ecstasy of the Naught, who gathereth the Blood of all saints into thy Cup! With all thy Daughters of the Sangraal, we honor and love Her that is above, within, and about us. May thine Essence be here measureless, mystical, mysterious, and maternal to manifest this feast.”

  • Unknown

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women

father-and-daughter-silhouette-494x329

“People who lose their parents early in life are like fellow war veterans. As soon as they discover that they are talking to someone else who has lost a parent, they know they are speaking the same language without uttering a word.” – Pamela Thomas

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.”

“Growing Up Without a Dad Shapes Who You Are” by McKenna Meyers

“It took six decades, but I can finally utter a huge truth that caused me tremendous shame and sadness: My father didn’t love me. I never spoke that deep, dark secret, but it was always festering inside of me. It manifested itself in many ways throughout my life as I struggled with a food obsession, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression.
Whether a dad was present but rejecting like mine or walked away from his fatherly duties entirely, his absence leaves an indelible mark on a daughter’s psyche as she grows into adulthood.

Below, you’ll find six ways a daughter may be affected by an uninvolved dad.

1. Fatherless Daughters Have Self-Esteem Issues

According to Deborah Moskovitch, an author and divorce consultant, kids often blame themselves when dad leaves the home and becomes less involved in their lives. When they aren’t given an explanation about why dad left, they make up their own scenario and jump to the conclusion that it’s their fault and that they’re unlovable.
This is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on daughters’ self esteem. Her confidence in her own abilities and value as a human being can be greatly diminished if her father isn’t there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a woman’s self esteem is diminished in every setting if she did not form a healthy relationship with her father

2. Daughters With Absent Fathers Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships

According to Pamela Thomas, author of Fatherless Daughters (a book that examines how women cope with the loss of a father via death or divorce), women who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scarred by their dad’s rejection of them, they don’t want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.
Ever since childhood, I’ve built walls around myself. I didn’t open up to people. I didn’t ask questions about their families, jobs, or hobbies. I kept my life private, and I remained socially isolated. These were all self-protective measures so I wouldn’t experience rejection like I did with my dad. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to help me change my behavior because my fear of rejection was more powerful than my desire to make connections.

3. Women With Absent Fathers Are More Likely to Have Eating Disorders

In their book The Parent’s Guide to Eating Disorders, the authors Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto write eloquently about the fact that girls with physically or emotionally absent fathers are at greater risk of developing eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge-eating, body dysmorphia, unhealthy preoccupations with food or body weight, and other eating disorders are all more likely if a girl does not have a father figure as she’s growing up. Daughters without dads are also twice as likely to be obese. Because her longing to have a close relationship with her dad is denied, she may develop what Margo Maine (author of Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, & Food) calls “father hunger,” a deep emptiness and a profound insecurity. Daughters are left wondering: What’s so wrong with me that my own father doesn’t love me? If I looked different—if I was thin—would I earn daddy’s love?
I’ve struggled with “father hunger” throughout my life—stuffing my face to fill the void, dieting to get model-thin, and always obsessing about food. My days have been filled with thoughts of eating—either doing it or struggling mightily not to. When I accepted that my dad didn’t love me and that he was an unhappy man with deep-rooted problems, I finally started eating normally and began maintaining a healthy weight. I began treating myself in a loving way by exercising, gardening, reading, walking in the woods, and spending time with family. For the first time in my life, I only thought about food when I was truly hungry. This freed me to enjoy my life in so many wonderful ways.

4. Daughters of Absent Fathers Are More Prone to Depression

Not surprisingly, girls who grew up with dads who were emotionally or physically absent are more likely to struggle with depression as adults. Because they fear abandonment and rejection, these women often isolate themselves emotionally. They avoid healthy romantic relationships because they don’t feel deserving and fear getting hurt, but they might jump into unhealthy relationships that ultimately lead to heartbreak. In either scenario, the women are in emotional peril and frequently become depressed. If they don’t deal with the cause of their sadness—an absent dad—they may never be able to develop healthy relationships with men.
To top it all off, data suggests that children without fathers are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
According to Denna Babul and Karin Louise, authors of The Fatherless Daughter Project, it’s helpful to simply realize that we’re not alone. In fact, one in three women see themselves as fatherless and struggle with feelings of abandonment. Knowing this fact helps us see that there’s a whole sisterhood out there who share a common pain and a need to connect. When we open up and share our journey, we help both ourselves and each other. Whether we feel the loss of a dad through death, divorce, drug addiction, estrangement, or emotional neglect, we must grieve in order to move forward. Read Five Steps to Heal Her Pain: How a Fatherless Daughter Can Move On From Her Dad’s Rejection for ideas on how to avoid falling into depression. A gifted therapist can be key to helping us do just that and becoming happier people.

5. Dadless Daughters Are More Likely to Become Sexually Active Earlier

Studies have shown the many benefits that come from a strong father-daughter bond. Most notably, girls who are close to their dads are less likely to get pregnant as teens. They delay engaging in sexual relationships, wait longer to get married and have children, and when they do find a husband, their marriages are more emotionally satisfying, stable, and long-lasting.
Countless studies also show that women who have unstable or absent paternal relationships are more likely to start having sex earlier and engage risky sexual behaviors. Daughters are four times more likely to get pregnant as a teen if dad isn’t in the picture. Studies show that more than 70% of unplanned teenage pregnancies occur in homes where there is no father.

6. Abandoned Daughters Are Susceptible to Addiction

As with depression, eating disorders, and low self esteem, the absence of a father can trap a daughter in a negative repetitive pattern she can’t easily break out of and turn to drugs to self-medicate and help numb the pain. She is more likely to find herself trapped in a cycle of substance abuse, for example. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Not only are kids in father-absent households about four times more likely to be poor (which can trigger many negative cycles), fatherless adolescents were found to be 69% more likely to use drugs and 76% more likely to commit crimes.

Can a Daughter Survive Without a Father?

Try as I might, I was never been able to get any traction, always making a mess of this or that and never able to form long-lasting friendships. I rejected happiness because I never felt worthy of it. I did so much to sabotage my life and make myself miserable.
Then last year my older sister revealed to me that she, too, had felt unloved by him. I immediately felt enormous relief and then great euphoria. I realized it had never been about me—that I was bad, ugly, stupid and undeserving. It had always been about him—his unhappy childhood, his cold mother, his negative nature, and his dissatisfaction with being a husband and father. It had never been about me…never.
I could finally shout: “You were a piece of crap and now I’m done with you! I’m not your prisoner any more!”
According to Caitlin Marvaso, AMFT, a grief counselor and therapist, to recover from a father’s abandonment, a woman “must learn how to father herself, hold herself, and receive the type of love a father provides. It is a lifelong process, but with the proper support, tools, and patience, it is totally possible. That being said, the grief and pain never goes away, it just changes.”
A daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realizes that the problem isn’t her, it’s him. This is the first step toward healing.

What Is Fatherless Daughter Syndrome?

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.
Does the Reason Affect the Result of Fatherlessness?
Half of the daughters in the US self-identify as having no father in their lives, but the reasons for that fatherlessness vary. Approximately 28% lost their connection to their dads via divorce or separation, while 26% cite emotional absence as the reason for the estrangement. 19% lost their fathers to death, 13% to abandonment, 13% to addiction, 12% to abuse, and 4% to incarceration. 6% say they never met their father.
Certainly, a daughter whose loving dad passed away when she was 15 will be affected differently than a daughter whose father abandoned her when she was born. Unfortunately, many studies do not account for the reasons for fatherlessness.
The effects of fatherlessness can be mitigated by many factors. Daughters who were brought up in households with two moms, a loving and very-involved step parent, or participating grandparents or other extended family members will probably not experience the same lasting wounds and negative impact of a father’s abandonment.

What Are the Emotional Effects of Being Abandoned by a Father?

Compared to those with healthy paternal relationships, fatherless women report…
feeling less happiness and lower levels of well-being,
higher levels of frustration, anger, and anger-related depression,
difficulty navigating the emotions of intimate relationships, and
overwhelming fears of abandonment.

What Are the Psychological Effects of an Absent Father?

To summarize, depression, suicide, eating disorders, obesity (and its effects), early sexual activity, addiction-formation, and difficulty building and holding on to loving relationships are all side-effects of an absent father.

Women of Age and Wisdom

summer

“Women get more beautiful as they grow older. Not less.
Female youth is only prized in modern culture because it doesn’t represent as much of a threat spiritually to anyone who is frightened of divine feminine power.
As women grow and mature, they call in stronger forces of sacred feminine wisdom. They vibrate with the creative power of their stories.
They are more of a force to be reckoned with.
They see more, know more, feel more. They put up with a lot less bullshit.
When women are trained into thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with getting older, and are coerced into spending money, energy and power investing in ‘slowing the signs of ageing’, an enormous vault of divine love is lost.
Just think what would happen if all the women in the world started loving themselves even more with every year that passed.
Perhaps a total revolution would occur.~”
~Yogesh Kumar

5 Powerful Lessons Arya Stark Teaches about surviving trauma

Arya-Stark

Arya Stark from the series “Game of Thrones” has fascinated me from the beginning. Now that we are at the end, I’m going to miss this character and the show itself. There is a rich, diverse, cast of characters in GoT, but I’ve loved watching Arya’s growth from the horrifying trauma she survived as a young girl, to the incredible woman she has become. This article addresses that very issue, and I found it to be full of insights for everyone. There are definitely spoilers here, so watch Season 8 first!

Here are the main five:

1. Her heightened instincts and ability to sense danger with alarming precision

As a child, Arya is trained by Syrio Forel (Miltos Yerolemou) to be as “swift as a deer, quiet as a shadow, calm as still water.” She also learns that fear cuts deeper than swords. These are all lessons that will inevitably help her to defeat the Night King. Arya’s training with Syrio lays the crucial foundation for her sword-fighting abilities, but it is actually the dangerous incidents she is forced to confront head-on in everyday life that challenge and hone her ability to identify and navigate danger skillfully. It is in her life experiences after her initial training that give her the platform to utilize these lessons. From living on the streets of King’s Landing to fighting a trained assassin from Braavos while temporarily blind, Arya learns to defend herself against a variety of perpetrators even when she is just a child on the cusp of womanhood.
Many of us are familiar with the term “hypervigilance,” a state of hyper-attunement we can develop to our surroundings due to trauma. Arya develops it in spades as she learns to evade danger in every corner. Often, hypervigilance is seen as a negative symptom of trauma, but actually, there are times our heightened attentiveness can be useful for our discernment of someone else’s true motives and character. According to researcher Willem Frankenhuis, people who have been abused in childhood can develop what Dr. Michael Ungar calls “an uncanny ability to detect threats in their environment, an enhanced capacity to learn new things, and even improved memories when it comes to paying attention to parts of their environment that are the most relevant.”

As therapist Athena Phillips writes in a 2012 article for GoodTherapy:
“Survivors of trauma regularly inform me of what they experience as something akin to having superpowers. The capacity to feel things other people can’t, to identify either the goodness or inherent evil in someone just by looking at them, or to ‘predict’ interpersonal outcomes are some of the new-found abilities people have described. People who have experienced trauma often indicate that they are able to pick up on covert human behaviors, and there is a great deal of trust in their capacity to intuit. Oftentimes, these powers really do exist; survivors have developed a discriminating aptitude for picking up on environmental cues that may have significance to them.”

2. Her fragmented sense of identity and search for her true identity and wholeness.

Trauma creates fragments: It shatters the connection among memories, thoughts, emotions, and the self. Complex trauma survivors often find themselves confronting disparate inner parts that developed as a result of the traumas they endured; according to trauma experts, they must find ways to identify and integrate these parts in healthy ways in order to reach their true core calm and compassionate self. Much like any complex trauma survivor, Arya tries to escape the terrors of her childhood by taking on other identities and dissociating from her past except for her justified rage at those who murdered her family members. Arya’s need for vengeance ultimately creates a “protector self” that keeps her focused on a list of people she must kill rather than her true self and her grief.
Arya’s search for her own identity is also astutely represented by her brutal experiences at Braavos where she learns to become “no one” in her training to become a Faceless Man and assassin. There, she is beaten, terrorized, and challenged to fight back. Ironically, it is her journey to becoming no one that eventually leads her to own the fact that she is indeed someone. As she tells Jaqen H’ghar bravely and with conviction, “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I am going home.” It is only when she integrates her darkness within her true self, recognizes her true power and strength from the traumas she has emerged from, that she decides she is going home. She goes home not just to her family but to herself.

3. Her post-traumatic growth and psychological self-mastery

As therapist Andrea Schneider notes shrewdly in her Game of Thrones blog series, characters who have endured trauma on this show can exhibit promising signs of post-traumatic growth, the positive psychological changes we benefit from after enduring adversity. While regaining a pre-trauma identity is next to impossible for characters like Arya, her post-traumatic growth is tremendous.
Not only does Arya learn to incorporate the life lessons of her trauma into her sword fighting and archery skills, she learns psychological mastery. She learns the art of resourcefulness even when she has nothing. She learns how to stealthily collect information (like when she does when acting as cupbearer to Tywin Lannister) to further her journey. She learns a great deal about patience, self-control, confidence, observing rather than reacting, and how to put herself in the mindset of her attackers and predators around her so she can anticipate what they will do—and can preemptively strike. As a result of her traumas, she gains wisdom and skill sets beyond her years, which many adults in the show are still struggling to obtain.
Arya has no explicit desire to be a leader or queen, but her ability to lead due to her experiences make her more fit for the throne than many others who seek it for personal power. It is her desire for justice, rather than power, that makes her unstoppable. Complex trauma survivors experience many of these same psychological benefits as they process, heal, and grow from their traumas. They can learn to navigate life with an increased sense of gratitude, fortitude, and develop a habit for making the best of their circumstances to create success and joy at an even more intense level than someone who has never been traumatized. As they heal, they have an incentive, drive, and determination that can far surpass that of the average person, as well as a greater sense of meaning.
It is only when Arya Stark integrates her darkness within her true self and recognizes her true power that she decides she is going home.

4. Her darkness has to be integrated in order to fully own her light.

Arya is a curious character in that she is not encouraged to forgive those who have wronged her or took the lives of her loved ones. That is what makes her one of the most phenomenal female characters on television: her darkness is not minimized or sugarcoated. It is recognized, along with her authentic outrage, in all of its unflinching glory. And skilled trauma therapists agree: forced, premature forgiveness can actually hinder a survivor’s journey because it invalidates how we really feel and does not give us the time or space to actually process our traumas.

Trauma therapist Anastasia Pollock puts it this way:
“The people I work with in the therapy room are resilient and courageous. They are able to work through their traumas, but many get caught up on one point: They believe they are supposed to forgive the perpetrator but can’t seem to get there. This is what I tell them: You don’t have to forgive in order to move on. Emotions are important and automatic. When we can acknowledge and appreciate even the darkest, most negative-feeling emotions, they often soften and release. As soon as I say, ‘You don’t have to forgive,’ the person usually breathes a sigh of relief.”

Unlike a woman who turns the other cheek and goes immediately into love and light without any kind of transformation beforehand, Arya turns to her sword, Needle, to deliver a much-needed message to perpetrators like Walder Frey (David Bradley). The North remembers, and so does she. She avenges her loved ones one by one, and when she does, we can’t help but cheer from the sidelines.
Although in real life this form of vigilante justice is unrealistic, not recommended and quite gory (none of us should be baking our enemies into pies—we’d have a more productive time processing our traumas in therapy), we learn an important lesson about trauma: it cannot be spiritually bypassed. Our so-called “dark” emotions must be acknowledged in order to fully own our true light. The outrage and rage we feel must be seen, heard, experienced, confronted and (while perhaps not shown on this show) healthily expressed in order to be healed. Whether Arya’s quest for revenge is misplaced is up for debate, but one thing is for sure: this young woman is not your typical depiction of a trauma survivor who forgives and forgets her way into healing. Yet her intense emotions are an all too real part of this journey.

5. Her resilience and strength would not be the same without her experiences.

While none of us would ever volunteer for the traumas we experienced, we can’t help but admit that we would not be who we are without them. We can still validate and honor the injustice of our traumas while acknowledging the internal resources and coping skills they granted us. Trauma can give us the strength and resilience of a sumo wrestler, and Arya is no exception. As whole families are killed, legacies wiped out, and kingdoms come under siege, Arya remains—one of the few survivors of her family. A weary traveler and warrior, she is forced to confront what no child should have to endure. But she does endure, and she is better for it.
At the end, it is this little girl who grows up to be the warrior woman—who ultimately conquers the darkness. No one expected her or saw her coming. Everyone underestimated her. And therein lies her greatest power. It was the traumas of her past that gave her the ability to defeat the Night King, to avenge her loved ones, and to protect her community. Complex trauma survivors, too, are capable of this same kind of resilience—and the ability to give back what they never received.
Arya is every little girl who grew up in terror and trauma. Who survives impossible situations through her resilience, grit, talent, and determination. Whose identity is previously in fragments, only to become whole as she comes into the woman she was always meant to be. And yes, she is truly ruthless when it comes to her enemies. Yet it is perhaps her ability to own her demons that make her even more powerful when she’s avenging her loved ones, enacting some sweet justice and saving the world. We can all learn life lessons about trauma from this brilliant, multifaceted and truly one of a kind character. She is all of us who have survived—and thrived.
This article originally appeared on Psych Central as “5 Powerful Lessons Arya Stark from Game of Thrones Teaches Us About Complex Trauma Survivors” 🔥

by Shahida Arabi: a bestselling author of three books on emotional abuse and trauma.

Full Moon in Virgo

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Romaine Brooks (American painter) 1874 – 1970 Femme avec des Fleurs (The Woman with Flowers, aka Spring), 1912 oil on canvas collection Lucile +Audouy, Paris, France

Sun in Pisces (Feb. 18th at 3:04pm Pacific)
Full Moon in Virgo today at 7:54am Pacific
Mercury in Pisces (weakened, in it’s Fall)
Mars in Taurus (neutral influence)
Venus in Capricorn (weakened)

Don’t do any Mercury or Venus magick for the next several weeks. Focus on Jupiter (in Sagittarius) and Saturn (in Capricorn) which are very strong.

Monday, February 18th: Sun into Pisces and Saturn conjunct Venus (yikes). The focus for the next month will be on spirituality, music, dreams, escapism, movies and art. The lines are blurred and it’s a confusing time, because Pisces believes “all is one”. However, there are two roads – one is connection with divinity and the other is substance abuse. Don’t fool yourself into thinking they are the same road. Focus on the middle path.
Venus conjunct Saturn today is hella rough on relationships. Not the day to process or work through issues. Try to keep responsibilities and discipline active.

Tuesday, February 19th: Full Moon at 0 Virgo. Any aspects to your chart at 0 Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius or Pisces will be magnified! Great day to organize your house, or anything really! However, Virgo’s ruler, Mercury, is currently in it’s Fall (icky place) in Pisces, so communications are unclear and goals are fuzzy. This will be continuing for several weeks because Mercury will be retrograding in Pisces early next month. Being of service and focusing on healing is the best way to navigate this hazy time.

Mercury entering Pisces until April 16th. Mercury in its Fall means the sharpness of our minds is diminished, and we turn towards our imaginations. The next month is a time for visioning, self expression and creative writing. Careful not to go too far out into fantasy and delusion! Keep the ground under your feet.

Wednesday, Feb. 20th: Full Moon in Virgo still active. Attend to healing, responsibilities and service. The abstract quality of Pisces/Neptune/water must come into balance with the actuality and detail of Virgo.

Thursday, Feb. 21st: Moon in Libra. Negotiations highlighted. Opportunities for love, romance and art.

Friday, Feb. 22nd: Moon in Libra. The energy of romance and understanding is still with us today. Good evening for socializing. Venus conjunct Pluto in the evening brings depth and intensity, and a chance for rebirth, healing and catharsis.

Saturday, Feb. 23rd: Moon in Scorpio. Lots of intensity today, with Mars opposing the Moon. Avoid confrontation but embrace rebirth.