Tag Archives: dating

Intimacy

love-couple
“We can let ourselves be close to people.

Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.

When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person’s character defects, and then make it so big it’s all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.

We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.

We may tell ourselves we don’t want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs.

Sometimes, we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who aren’t available for intimacy – people with active addictions, or people who don’t choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.

We’re afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. We’re afraid that closeness means we won’t be able to own our power to take care of ourselves.

In recovery, we’re learning that it’s okay to let ourselves be close to people. We’re choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, “We’re learning that we can own our power with people, even when we’re close, even when the other person has something we need.”

Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that’s appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.”

– The Language of Letting Go

stand in truth

heart

I learned that who doesn’t look for you, doesn’t miss you.
And who doesn’t miss you doesn’t care for you…
Destiny determines who enters your life but YOU decide who stays…
Therefore, value whoever values you, and don’t treat someone as a priority if they treat you as an option.

Love inSight

So glad I ran into this article today! I hope it’s helpful to other people out there. I’ve been in and out of a few relationships, and when I’m alone I’ve noticed this slight twinge inside that I NEED to be part of a couple, because that’s what humans DO. I know intellectually that this isn’t the truth, but I still run into it sometimes… the following article is a good cure for that type of thinking:

respect

“Be Alone Until You Find Someone Who Actually Gives A Shit About You

Article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/becca-martin/2017/06/be-alone-until-you-find-someone-who-actually-gives-a-crap-about-you/

Being alone is not scary, or bad, or a curse, or any other bullshit thing that people make it out to be. Being alone is also not lonely, unless you make it lonely.

Being alone is better than settling for a bunch of shitty dates that make you feel horrible about yourself or waking up next to some dude who thinks your name is Whitney when it’s not even close. Being alone is the time you have to get comfortable with yourself and that time is so important.

People get so stressed and worked up about being alone when there is no reason for it at all because being alone is as good or as bad as you make it.

Be alone until you find someone who doesn’t just say they will show up but actually shows up and shows up excited to see you. Be alone until you find someone who doesn’t make endless excuses and actually wants to spend time with you doing the things you want to do.

Be alone until you find someone who talks about you and who talks you up to their friends, or family, or coworkers, or the homeless dude on the street corner – literally anyone. Be alone until you find someone who is proud as hell to show you off because anything less than that is bullshit.

Be alone until you find someone who can’t wait to see you but not in an overbearing pushy, controlling manner but in an “I care about you” manner because yes, there is a difference between the two. And no, being with someone who controls you is not cool.

Be alone until you find someone you actually want to spend your free time with not someone you’re convincing yourself you like or worse – someone you have to convince to like you. Someone whose attention you have to beg for is not someone who is worth your time. If someone likes you, you will know otherwise it’s time to let them go and focus more on yourself.Be alone until you find someone who misses you when you’re not around, not someone who forgets you exist on the weekends unless they’re drunk and lonely. Be alone until you find someone who actually gives a shit about the way you feel. Not someone who says “oh well, you’ll forgive me later” or just expects you to get over it. Be alone until you find someone who doesn’t ghost you or leave you hanging more often than not.

Be alone until you find someone who is proud of you, who inspires you, who wants you to be better and wants to help you get there. Be alone until you find someone who erases your insecurities and makes you feel good in your own skin. Be alone until you find someone who puts you first and makes you feel like a priority because you don’t have time to be an option.

Be alone until you find someone who actually gives a shit about you. So many people settle for mediocre relationships with lame ass people – don’t be one of those people. Love is the one thing you should never, ever settle for.

Until then – be alone. You will thank yourself for doing so.”