Tag Archives: datingandrelationships

Wearing Black

bb

My EP from 2005. This picture is from our photo shoot in the Castro in 2002. Chuck Butter and Liz Rose

Black is almost all I wear, honestly. I’ve often wondered why this is the case. Most of my friends wear nothing but black. What’s going on? I like what this article has to say:

“Colors excite our minds in various ways, and how we react to some of them can tell a lot regarding our personalities.

One study states that black is seen as ‘serious’ and ‘reliable,’ which means confident:

colors

 

The study states: “Black is Best Most of the Time.”
“Throughout all our survey, black came first or second in most “good” traits (for example confidence, intelligence and sexiness) and barely figured in the “bad” traits (arrogance). It wasn’t a particularly good performer in the “generosity” scale, however, coming second to last after brown, but it’s hard to imagine is being any other way. Try getting your kid to sit on the knee of a black-clad Santa.

Benevolent nocturnal visitations aside, black is the colour to wear when you’re trying to impress, reassure or woo. There’s a certain trustworthiness about it on a person that would make you hand over your life savings and thank them for the privilege.”

More from Maria Hakki:

“Black is generally an indication of “seriousness” and reliability”, so it stands at the top of the list of colors that both sexes find beautiful.

Why?

The answer is simple. Confidence. Almost half of the women and 64% of the men participating in the study think that black emits self-sufficiency. It is the most beautiful, bold, confidence-boosting and calming color that exists.

Those who wear all black are also usually very sensitive, a bit unstable, and want to draw attention on who they are and what they are trying to achieve in life, rather than on their appearance. Another study stemming from color psychology, says that people who love black often have a desire to reclaim their power.

Johnny Cash said: “I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It’s still my symbol of rebellion – against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others’ ideas.”

 

 

40 Relationship Red Flags You Should Watch For

flags
I’d say 90% of my readings are on love life challenges. If we could stay alert and watch for these signs when we meet someone, we could save ourselves a lot of pain down the road. I think this is a pretty good list, and I hope you will find it useful. AND it applies to men AND women!!

Here’s a few of them:

40 Relationship Red Flags You Should Watch For (As Told By 40 Women Who Didn’t)

They aren’t that committed

Don’t chase those who don’t seem as committed as you. If someone genuinely is interested in you or likes you it won’t be like pulling teeth to hang out or see them.

Believe them

If someone tells you they’re an asshole, believe them.

If he promises to break your heart, he will

I was seeing a guy who told me point blank to my face “I will break your heart as hard as I can.” My first reaction was to tell him he was a good person.

He was most certainly not a good person. He was barely capable of being an okay person. I seriously wish I could go back in time… grab Past Me by the hand, and get the hell out of there. It would saved me some major grief.

If he thinks he’s the only

If someone thinks they are unique as in literally the only person who sees the truth about the world and society…or that you are the only one who knows the truth about the universe…or both of you together are the only woke people in the world and everyone else and other institutions are all sheep. That’s a very bad sign.

“I’m damaged. Nobody understands me…”

A huge red flag I’ve learned is when a man (or woman) says ‘I should come with a warning label’… or some equivalent like; I’m damaged, no one understands me, I’m dangerous/edgy, I don’t play well with others… just take them at their word and leave. It’s not worth the emotional effort to get through to them and they will constantly use it as an excuse for bad or abusive behavior.

The Clinger

He insisted on spending every possible moment he could with me. Every single weekend he’d stay at my place… Any time I complained about anything he said or did, I was attacking him and making him feel bad, and he would make everything my fault until I felt bad and apologized for getting mad at him.

I dated him for two years before I realized he wasn’t my responsibility and I finally broke it off with him.

They aren’t there for you

When the person is never there for you. When you always have to be the one to support them and get nothing back. When someone is unable to be independent from their family and explains toxic, abusive or otherwise unacceptable behavior as “it’s just how they are”.

Being inconsistent and indecisive

In both romantic relationships and friendships: inconsistency and complacency. I’ve often tried to make excuses for people who are hot/cold, who don’t keep plans or put any effort into making plans, who don’t say what they mean and mean what they say. That kind of person is fun for a drink every once in a while, but they’re nowhere to be found when you really need them.

Doesn’t text back

If you get busy with work, etc for a long period of time but he doesn’t know, and still doesn’t text you. For example, when I get busy with work and my boyfriend knows, he will back off to let me focus on stuff; if he doesn’t know I’m busy and I don’t respond, he checks in on me to make sure everything is okay. I’ve dated guys who have gone two days without texting me and it wasn’t because they thought I was busy, etc, they just didn’t feel like talking to me.

Always an excuse

He always had an excuse for why he didn’t do what he said he was going to. Always with the excuses. The excuses were barely believable which was pretty insulting too.

Read the rest of them here

 

Intimacy

love-couple
“We can let ourselves be close to people.

Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.

When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person’s character defects, and then make it so big it’s all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.

We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.

We may tell ourselves we don’t want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs.

Sometimes, we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who aren’t available for intimacy – people with active addictions, or people who don’t choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.

We’re afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. We’re afraid that closeness means we won’t be able to own our power to take care of ourselves.

In recovery, we’re learning that it’s okay to let ourselves be close to people. We’re choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, “We’re learning that we can own our power with people, even when we’re close, even when the other person has something we need.”

Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that’s appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.”

– The Language of Letting Go

Week of September 17

sun

Monday, Sept. 17 – Sun in Virgo, Moon in Capricorn. Morning is sluggish (Moon conjunct Saturn), but then a busy work day. It will feel good. You can get a lot done! Anything established today will last a long time.  Not a good day to get concessions from authority.

Tuesday, Sept. 18 – Moon in Capricorn. Keep working hard and impress your boss or clients. There’s no way around, just through.  The seeds you sow now will be a harvested bounty in a couple of months.

Wednesday, Sept. 19 – Moon void-of-course in Capricorn from 10:10am to 4:52pm. Try not to have important meetings or conversations during this time. After 5:00pm the mood will lighten quite a bit and the focus will be on teamwork.

Thursday, Sept. 20 – Moon in Aquarius all day! This along with the Sun/Mercury conjunction in Virgo lends this day to writing, short trips, socializing and revelatory daydreaming.

Friday, Sept. 21 – Moon void-of-course in Aquarius ALL DAY. Stay low key and keep the focus on being a team player. Mercury into Libra makes this a nice evening or socializing and romance. Fair negotiations can be worked out for the next few weeks.

Saturday, Sept. 22 – MABON. FALL EQUINOX. Moon in Pisces and Sun into Libra at 6:54pm Pacific. Equal day /Equal night. It’s traditional to watch the sunset this evening,  gather with friends, make wishes and jump over bonfires! It’s a day of celebration, appreciation and indulgence of the bounties of the harvest season.

Sunday, Sept. 23 – Moon in Pisces and Sun in Libra all day. Creative day.

image: Sunflowers in a misty morning 🌻
Sissinghurst Castle Garden, Kent, England
#sunflowers #misty morning #sissinghurst garden #sissinghurstcastle #gardens #englishgardens #vitasackvillewest #kent #england

Astro week of August 5th

@lefawnhawk

This week is the 4th quarter of the Moon, the “darkest” time of our current lunar month.  This week we rest and wrap things up; all in preparation for the rebirth of the New Moon in Leo this coming Saturday.  It will be another eclipse too.  If you go out at sunset each night this week, you will see the moon’s light diminish until she completely disappears into the fiery light of the Sun.  Don’t overschedule yourself or work too hard. Take some afternoon naps. Focus on finishing things – next week is the time to start new projects or habits.

Monday, August 6 – Moon in Gemini (Mercury still retrograde), Venus into Libra and Uranus stationing. Lots of energy, communication and ideas flying around today. Be slow and thorough, and handle one thing at a time. Don’t get caught up in other peoples’ instability. Venus in Libra is very happy! Do some art or hang with friends.

Tuesday, August 7 – Moon void of course in Gemini all day, and Uranus retrograde in Taurus. Stay home if you can or work in your garden. Today could be really crazy, with lots of unstable changes happening all around you. Careful while driving or on transport. Keep slowing yourself down and doing one thing at a time. Don’t act on impulse this week.

Wednesday, August 8 – Moon in Cancer. Spoil yourself. Go to a spa. Eat whatever you want. Uranus still stationing overhead, so avoid social conflicts. Connect with your inner voice, and hear what it’s telling you. Is life sending you in a new direction? Embrace it and go with the flow. Revelations abound. Don’t overspend.

Thursday, August 9 – Moon void of course in Cancer all day. Avoid important negotiations or conversations. Today is NOT the day for a house meeting. Keep a cool head and a discerning heart. FOCUS ON YOUR OWN LIFE. Let your creativity wander.

Friday, August 10 – New Moon in Leo begins. A splendid day. Allow yourself all the pleasures available. Assume leadership if needed and tackle responsibilities. Let your light shine. Good night to see a performance.

Saturday, August 11 – New Moon eclipse in Leo at 2:58am. Be creative, hang out with family and children, and let your light shine some more.

 

New Moon in Aries

img_0536

Aries New Moon at 6:57pm Pacific.

Every year, the New Moon in Aries starts an entirely new astrological cycle for the upcoming twelve months.  This is because Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and the New Moon sparks off new beginnings. Today is a significant day. What would you like to develop this year? What do you want to grow in your life? Today we plant the seeds.

Every new idea or direction starts with a spark of inspiration that activates an individual’s nature. What are you drawn towards? Aries is the spark. It’s the first sign of the zodiac, as well as the first fire sign, and the Sun always transits Aries in the Spring. Fire is the only element that’s a reaction between two elements – it’s not tangible. Fire heats things up, consumes all it touches and spreads quickly. When fire touches the human spirit, we become motivated, inspired and productive. We lead the pack, but we’re also not afraid to stand alone. We become pioneers and explore the fringes of society. We tackle our challenges with a wellspring of drive and energy.

From Empowering Astrology:

“The Aries New Moon is conjunct — astrology speak for in the same position — the planet Uranus. Now, Uranus has been in Aries since 2010-2011, kicking off revolutions both personal and global. We’ve had to start over more than a few times. We’ve had breakthroughs. We’ve had our thinking altered, our consciousness awakened. We’re very different people than we were seven years ago.

This new moon, in many ways, represents a culmination of our work during Uranus’s journey through Aries. Meaning, whatever changes kicked off in 2011, whatever revolutions began, will have their denouement during this lunar month. In short, what you started working toward in 2011 will come to a climax in the coming four weeks. Are you ready for the big reveal?

Even more, the new moon points its energy over to Mars in Capricorn, a sign that injects seriousness and responsibility into the mix. And thank goodness for Capricorn because it’s a sign that’s a bit slow-and-steady-wins-the-race versus Aries’s impulsiveness. Further, Mars is conjunct Pluto in Capricorn, so while we may be pumping the breaks with this new moon, it’s Pluto that’s creating a very hard boundary.
When we put this together, this lunar month will be seeded with powerful new beginnings, one that may draw a line between an old life and a new life. We may feel a rebirth, a transformation from the proverbial fire. We may feel restless and motivated to make a change. Although unpredictable, Uranus has a tendency to show us what’s holding us back and demand we let it go.

Mercury also turns direct on the day of the new moon, adding to an unsteady energy. Information may pour out as a result. Plus, that Mars-Pluto combo has a tendency to be volcanic, pulling up emotions and releasing suppressed energy. If we’re looking for a do over, this is our new moon.
Some tips for working with the energy of this new moon. Again, exercise is your friend this lunar month. Of course, be very aware of your body lest you create an injury. Second, fire needs air, so make sure you’re breathing long deep breaths. Lastly, challenge your thinking of yourself or how you see the world. Try something new, especially if it’s out of your comfort zone.
Another thing to be aware of is that Aries, in its negative expression, has a tendency to be argumentative and aggressive. You may be itching for a fight. You may have a bout of road rage. Try not to burn everything down with this new moon; instead, taking time to meditate or go for a walk. Mars, thankfully has support from Neptune, reminding us to channel the higher expression of Mars — positive breakthroughs and transformation.
Note that Uranus will leave Aries for Taurus on May 15. We’re in the homestretch of a powerful seven year journey to discover our real selves.

 

From Ronnie Pontiac:

In April Chiron will leave Pisces and enter Aries. Most astrologers describe Chiron as the wounded healer. It’s place in our charts is said to indicate our deepest wounds. But Chiron also involves teaching and mentorship, including guidance of the next generation.

Chiron is completing its circuit around the zodiac. Chiron in Pisces suggests wounds caused by religion or by lack of spirituality. A crisis of faith, pervasive cultural rigidity as traditions dissolve, widespread confusion, and nostalgia for the past can make Chiron in Pisces feel like end times.
But the real end time is Chiron in Aries as a new cultural cycle begins. Real hippies will squint at those years 1968 to 1976 because they brought Altamont, glitter rock and disco. The new generation arrives and in some way that generation inaugurates everything that comes after them. The sometimes reckless idealism of the hippies was the end of a forty year cycle, the cynicism of their younger sibs was the beginning of the next. That cycle is now ending.
In April as Chiron enters Aries until 2027, with a couple of backslides into Pisces at first, we can expect breakthroughs in healing, in underground culture, in education. Aries is war and it is possible that Chiron brings the painful catharsis of war. After all, Chiron was a mentor to Achilles the most famous killer in history. But it is also possible that at long last the wounds that cause war receive the attention they need. How health and education are done in our world will be changing more than many of us can imagine.
For each of us this is a good time to survey our history with healing, teaching, and being taught. Come April embrace new methods, new information, new expectations in these areas. Aries sun, moon, or asc people expect major healing ahead. Pisces people hopefully you’ve healed some of those deep wounds since 2010. You won’t be feeling like the crisis is happening in your waters much longer. A question for all of us: what can you appreciate about what Chiron in Pisces has taught you?

The importance of integrity

18118882_1736993819923968_5997707982692340208_n

Make an effort to be a person of character.  From my experience, I’ve found it’s the best thing you can do for yourself in your life.

Taking firm responsibility for yourself and your choices will set you apart from the crowd, and along with hard work, will bring you anything you want.

I was at a conference of female musicians once, and had the good fortune to hear Patti Smith reviewing her life and career. The most important thing in life, she said, is your credibility. If you lack credibility with people, or lose it, it’s hard to get it back. It’s the foundation of moving forward in life and finding true fulfillment and lasting friendships.

A friend posted this article today and I have to share it with you! These are traits I aspire to in my own life.

13 Traits of People With True Integrity

Integrity, for those who are not familiar, is quite important. It is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
People who have a strong sense of integrity are sadly a rare breed. However, there are still some people left in this world with integrity, and usually, they share the following 13 traits.

1. They value other people’s time.
They value their own time so they also value the time of other people. They know you have plenty of other places you need to be and won’t hold you up. If you spend time with them, it is likely they will thank you for that as well.

2. They give credit where it is due.
They do not take credit for things they did not do. They will always credit those who deserve it. If you help this person with a project he or she will likely mention your name so you can take credit for your work.

3. They are authentic.
They are their truest forms. You won’t catch them in a lie or being fake.

4. They are always honest.
They are honest people that feel no need to lie as it is important for them to get to where they need to get in life honestly.

5. They never take advantage of others.
They are not the kind of people who will take advantage of someone else. They love to build people up and help them get where they need to be. Taking too much from someone else will never be an issue with someone who has a lot of integrity.

6. They do not argue over disagreements.
They will talk through things in a civil manner or not talk at all. You cannot and will not force this person into arguing over something completely ridiculous. I find this to be a very respectable trait.

7. They give most people the benefit of the doubt.
They try to see the good in everyone. I think this is because they feel like maybe there are more people in this world that also have integrity. That being said, if you take advantage of them too much they will get rid of you.

8. They know when something is bothering someone.
They have a great intuition that lets them know when something is going on. If someone is down in the dumps they will notice. Chances are they will actually do what they can to cheer you up.

9. They believe others.
They accept your word as truth until it is disproven. That being said, they do not take lying well. And once you lie to them, it is unlikely that they will ever take your word again.

10. They apologize first.
If they have done something wrong they will come to you and apologize. This is just how they are. They own up to their mistake and try to make things right.

11. They are humble.
They do not quite know their own worth. While they are very important and do so much good they don’t quite see it. You should remind them of it.

12. They do good when they can.
They are always helping other people. They love to know that they have improved someone’s life. It gives their lives meaning.

13. They are always kind to those who need it.
Giving kindness can go a long way. When someone looks like they need a little pick me up these people deliver. They can brighten up almost anyone’s day.

If you are someone who has true integrity, thank you for being who you are and thank you for all that you do. You really do actually make a difference in society, please keep up the good work. If you feel no one else is proud of you, know that I am.