Tag Archives: counseling

Wearing Black

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My EP from 2005. This picture is from our photo shoot in the Castro in 2002. Chuck Butter and Liz Rose

Black is almost all I wear, honestly. I’ve often wondered why this is the case. Most of my friends wear nothing but black. What’s going on? I like what this article has to say:

“Colors excite our minds in various ways, and how we react to some of them can tell a lot regarding our personalities.

One study states that black is seen as ‘serious’ and ‘reliable,’ which means confident:

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The study states: “Black is Best Most of the Time.”
“Throughout all our survey, black came first or second in most “good” traits (for example confidence, intelligence and sexiness) and barely figured in the “bad” traits (arrogance). It wasn’t a particularly good performer in the “generosity” scale, however, coming second to last after brown, but it’s hard to imagine is being any other way. Try getting your kid to sit on the knee of a black-clad Santa.

Benevolent nocturnal visitations aside, black is the colour to wear when you’re trying to impress, reassure or woo. There’s a certain trustworthiness about it on a person that would make you hand over your life savings and thank them for the privilege.”

More from Maria Hakki:

“Black is generally an indication of “seriousness” and reliability”, so it stands at the top of the list of colors that both sexes find beautiful.

Why?

The answer is simple. Confidence. Almost half of the women and 64% of the men participating in the study think that black emits self-sufficiency. It is the most beautiful, bold, confidence-boosting and calming color that exists.

Those who wear all black are also usually very sensitive, a bit unstable, and want to draw attention on who they are and what they are trying to achieve in life, rather than on their appearance. Another study stemming from color psychology, says that people who love black often have a desire to reclaim their power.

Johnny Cash said: “I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It’s still my symbol of rebellion – against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others’ ideas.”

 

 

40 Relationship Red Flags You Should Watch For

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I’d say 90% of my readings are on love life challenges. If we could stay alert and watch for these signs when we meet someone, we could save ourselves a lot of pain down the road. I think this is a pretty good list, and I hope you will find it useful. AND it applies to men AND women!!

Here’s a few of them:

40 Relationship Red Flags You Should Watch For (As Told By 40 Women Who Didn’t)

They aren’t that committed

Don’t chase those who don’t seem as committed as you. If someone genuinely is interested in you or likes you it won’t be like pulling teeth to hang out or see them.

Believe them

If someone tells you they’re an asshole, believe them.

If he promises to break your heart, he will

I was seeing a guy who told me point blank to my face “I will break your heart as hard as I can.” My first reaction was to tell him he was a good person.

He was most certainly not a good person. He was barely capable of being an okay person. I seriously wish I could go back in time… grab Past Me by the hand, and get the hell out of there. It would saved me some major grief.

If he thinks he’s the only

If someone thinks they are unique as in literally the only person who sees the truth about the world and society…or that you are the only one who knows the truth about the universe…or both of you together are the only woke people in the world and everyone else and other institutions are all sheep. That’s a very bad sign.

“I’m damaged. Nobody understands me…”

A huge red flag I’ve learned is when a man (or woman) says ‘I should come with a warning label’… or some equivalent like; I’m damaged, no one understands me, I’m dangerous/edgy, I don’t play well with others… just take them at their word and leave. It’s not worth the emotional effort to get through to them and they will constantly use it as an excuse for bad or abusive behavior.

The Clinger

He insisted on spending every possible moment he could with me. Every single weekend he’d stay at my place… Any time I complained about anything he said or did, I was attacking him and making him feel bad, and he would make everything my fault until I felt bad and apologized for getting mad at him.

I dated him for two years before I realized he wasn’t my responsibility and I finally broke it off with him.

They aren’t there for you

When the person is never there for you. When you always have to be the one to support them and get nothing back. When someone is unable to be independent from their family and explains toxic, abusive or otherwise unacceptable behavior as “it’s just how they are”.

Being inconsistent and indecisive

In both romantic relationships and friendships: inconsistency and complacency. I’ve often tried to make excuses for people who are hot/cold, who don’t keep plans or put any effort into making plans, who don’t say what they mean and mean what they say. That kind of person is fun for a drink every once in a while, but they’re nowhere to be found when you really need them.

Doesn’t text back

If you get busy with work, etc for a long period of time but he doesn’t know, and still doesn’t text you. For example, when I get busy with work and my boyfriend knows, he will back off to let me focus on stuff; if he doesn’t know I’m busy and I don’t respond, he checks in on me to make sure everything is okay. I’ve dated guys who have gone two days without texting me and it wasn’t because they thought I was busy, etc, they just didn’t feel like talking to me.

Always an excuse

He always had an excuse for why he didn’t do what he said he was going to. Always with the excuses. The excuses were barely believable which was pretty insulting too.

Read the rest of them here

 

A woman is powerful when…

pagandawn
“A woman is powerful when her first word isn’t ‘sorry’. A woman is powerful when you forget who the man in her life is. A woman is powerful when she follows her gut. Any woman who belongs to herself has power, and that power is perceived as dangerous.”
— Joan Juliet Buck

Intimacy

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“We can let ourselves be close to people.

Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.

When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person’s character defects, and then make it so big it’s all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.

We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.

We may tell ourselves we don’t want or need another person, or smother the person with our needs.

Sometimes, we defeat ourselves by trying to be close to people who aren’t available for intimacy – people with active addictions, or people who don’t choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.

We’re afraid, and we fear losing ourselves. We’re afraid that closeness means we won’t be able to own our power to take care of ourselves.

In recovery, we’re learning that it’s okay to let ourselves be close to people. We’re choosing to relate to safe, healthy people, so closeness is a possibility. Closeness doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves, or our life. As one man said, “We’re learning that we can own our power with people, even when we’re close, even when the other person has something we need.”

Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that’s appropriate. Whenever possible, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings between us.”

– The Language of Letting Go

Week of September 17

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Monday, Sept. 17 – Sun in Virgo, Moon in Capricorn. Morning is sluggish (Moon conjunct Saturn), but then a busy work day. It will feel good. You can get a lot done! Anything established today will last a long time.  Not a good day to get concessions from authority.

Tuesday, Sept. 18 – Moon in Capricorn. Keep working hard and impress your boss or clients. There’s no way around, just through.  The seeds you sow now will be a harvested bounty in a couple of months.

Wednesday, Sept. 19 – Moon void-of-course in Capricorn from 10:10am to 4:52pm. Try not to have important meetings or conversations during this time. After 5:00pm the mood will lighten quite a bit and the focus will be on teamwork.

Thursday, Sept. 20 – Moon in Aquarius all day! This along with the Sun/Mercury conjunction in Virgo lends this day to writing, short trips, socializing and revelatory daydreaming.

Friday, Sept. 21 – Moon void-of-course in Aquarius ALL DAY. Stay low key and keep the focus on being a team player. Mercury into Libra makes this a nice evening or socializing and romance. Fair negotiations can be worked out for the next few weeks.

Saturday, Sept. 22 – MABON. FALL EQUINOX. Moon in Pisces and Sun into Libra at 6:54pm Pacific. Equal day /Equal night. It’s traditional to watch the sunset this evening,  gather with friends, make wishes and jump over bonfires! It’s a day of celebration, appreciation and indulgence of the bounties of the harvest season.

Sunday, Sept. 23 – Moon in Pisces and Sun in Libra all day. Creative day.

image: Sunflowers in a misty morning 🌻
Sissinghurst Castle Garden, Kent, England
#sunflowers #misty morning #sissinghurst garden #sissinghurstcastle #gardens #englishgardens #vitasackvillewest #kent #england

Virgo New Moon

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New Moon at 17 Virgo:  Sunday, September 9th at 11:01am Pacific.

Virgo, the Virgin, is an Earth sign ruled by Mercury. We just came out of a Mercury retrograde, so things are moving forward again after a retrograde summer of delay and introspection.

Many of the planets are in great places right now i.e. in their rulership or exaltation.

Mercury is exalted in Virgo.
Venus in her rulership in Libra.
Mars just went direct; exalted in Capricorn.
Saturn is direct in it’s rulership of Capricorn.

That’s a lot of earthy energy in the skies.

The element Earth is about being practical and manifesting things. With Neptune (the planet of dreams) in it’s natural home of Pisces, we have a wonderful opportunity to turn our dreams into realities. You have to make it real though, and Virgo helps us look at our organization and habits. What is it you want to bring into your life? Are you organized and spending time each day on achieving it?

Virgo is self improvement, details, analysis, planning, perfection and service. We make a practical plan of action to manifest the huge ideas spawned this summer with the Leo sun. Virgo is pure in nature (the Virgin), and is symbolized by a single woman standing alone on her own two feet. Such a powerful image for women today. She is whole unto herself, independent, and can make decisions that actualize her potential.

Virgo integrates; bring the parts together into a whole – but can also be a harsh self critic with the constant striving for perfection. We need to integrate gentleness, self love, and allowing ourselves and others to be imperfect while we walk out practical path of manifestation.

The main thing is to face the reality of your life. If you’re able to do that you can accomplish anything, because the rules of this planet are based in physical reality. Grasping onto fantasies keeps our egos in charge – feeling that we can accomplish things with no effort. We have a spiritual need as humans to surrender our egos and find meaning.

…so see where you’re headed
…do the Work to make your reality better
…take responsibility for how you’ve lived up until now
…start TODAY!

Astro week of August 5th

@lefawnhawk

This week is the 4th quarter of the Moon, the “darkest” time of our current lunar month.  This week we rest and wrap things up; all in preparation for the rebirth of the New Moon in Leo this coming Saturday.  It will be another eclipse too.  If you go out at sunset each night this week, you will see the moon’s light diminish until she completely disappears into the fiery light of the Sun.  Don’t overschedule yourself or work too hard. Take some afternoon naps. Focus on finishing things – next week is the time to start new projects or habits.

Monday, August 6 – Moon in Gemini (Mercury still retrograde), Venus into Libra and Uranus stationing. Lots of energy, communication and ideas flying around today. Be slow and thorough, and handle one thing at a time. Don’t get caught up in other peoples’ instability. Venus in Libra is very happy! Do some art or hang with friends.

Tuesday, August 7 – Moon void of course in Gemini all day, and Uranus retrograde in Taurus. Stay home if you can or work in your garden. Today could be really crazy, with lots of unstable changes happening all around you. Careful while driving or on transport. Keep slowing yourself down and doing one thing at a time. Don’t act on impulse this week.

Wednesday, August 8 – Moon in Cancer. Spoil yourself. Go to a spa. Eat whatever you want. Uranus still stationing overhead, so avoid social conflicts. Connect with your inner voice, and hear what it’s telling you. Is life sending you in a new direction? Embrace it and go with the flow. Revelations abound. Don’t overspend.

Thursday, August 9 – Moon void of course in Cancer all day. Avoid important negotiations or conversations. Today is NOT the day for a house meeting. Keep a cool head and a discerning heart. FOCUS ON YOUR OWN LIFE. Let your creativity wander.

Friday, August 10 – New Moon in Leo begins. A splendid day. Allow yourself all the pleasures available. Assume leadership if needed and tackle responsibilities. Let your light shine. Good night to see a performance.

Saturday, August 11 – New Moon eclipse in Leo at 2:58am. Be creative, hang out with family and children, and let your light shine some more.