Tag Archives: Life Lessons

Week of October 1st

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Sun at 8 Libra
Mercury at 26 Libra
Mars at 27 Virgo and Venus at 20 Libra
Jupiter at 18 Sagittarius
Saturn at 14 Capricorn
Uranus, Neptune retrograde, Pluto going Direct.

Be clear this week about what you have control over and what you don’t, because this week we face our shadows.  The days are noticeably shorter, and the veil between the worlds is thinning, as we move towards Halloween. This is underlined by Pluto turning stationary Direct in Capricorn on Wednesday. It’s one of the most intense events of this year. Pluto raises toxic energy to the surface for us to face and release, moving us towards regeneration. This week we face our Shadow and shed our skins.

Pluto is also the planet of karma, and when it changes direction we experience a karmic shift. We are deeply transformed, and we are able to release fears and blocks that are holding us back from becoming the best version of ourselves. Saturn and Pluto going Direct together points us to some of the most important issues of our lives. Be alert to messages, and don’t let your fears or negativity block your path.

Monday 9/30 – Moon in Scorpio today. Keep things low key and avoid power struggles or confronting anything. Focus instead on transformation. The mood could be heavy tonight with Venus squaring Pluto at 9:15pm Pacific. This can bring catharsis to creative projects, friendships and romantic relationships. Try to find workable solutions and harmony.

Tuesday, 10/1 – Moon in Scorpio still, so take it easy. Make sure you’re well rested and well fed as Pluto slows down above us. Good outlets for this shift are embracing the truth, staying grounded and working hard on things you love.

Wednesday, 10/2 –  Pluto is stationary, or standing still in the sky, and moving Direct (forward) at 11:39pm Pacific. Whatever internal growth you’ve been experiencing over the last five months is changing direction and is ready to be expressed in your life. If you’re able to put all of your energy towards things you have control over, you’ll be less likely to get into power struggles with people, which is important this week. Remember, Pluto brings reformation, but also healing and rebirth.

Thursday, 10/3 – Moon in Sagittarius today, so thankfully the mood is a little lighter. Mercury enters Scorpio in the early morning hours, bringing emotional depth to communication. Avoid obsession, or digging too deeply into the psychology of others. Keep communications as loving and balanced as possible, since Scorpio can be too blunt about the truth. Work on shadow integration and transformation instead. Mars goes into Libra (its detriment) in the evening, bringing a slow down to action.

Friday, 10/4 – Moon into Capricorn. Focus on work and what you’re producing. Projects or events can be hard to get off the ground, and the energy is kind of serious for a date night. Practice patience.

Saturday, 10/5 – Moon in Capricorn. Get the chores done this weekend. Work in the garden, tidy up the house and cook for the week.

Sunday, 10/6 – Moon into Aquarius in the evening. Mercury (in Scorpio) also opposes Uranus (in Taurus), at 11:15pm. That’s a lot of electricity in the area we already covered this week. Watch your words, and put energy towards expressing your genius. Don’t waste your time on people that can’t hear your views.

Fall Equinox Horoscopes

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Sun at 0 Libra
Mercury at 14 Libra
Mars at 22 Virgo and Venus at 10 Libra
Jupiter at 17 Sagittarius
Saturn at 13 Capricorn
Uranus, Neptune, Pluto retrograding.

Hail unto the Mighty Autumn! It is time for the seasons to change. I love how the planet shifts itself so easily and naturally. We are taking stock of our lives and our year of 2019, and deciding what we want to bring with us through the coming Winter. This is an ancient passage, as old as the Earth itself.

If you’re feeling tired, run down and “heavy”, there’s probably lots of reasons lol… BUT I’m an astrologer and I say it’s the planet SATURN. This planet has been going retrograde for five months, and just turned Direct last Wednesday 9/18. When a planet changes direction, it sits still in the sky for a week or so, which is called “stationing”. Saturn is sitting on top of all of us right now… and it’s heavy. Things will start moving forward shortly.

Saturn, the reaper, is one of my favorite planets. It rules time, structure, fear, discipline, ambition, commitment and maturity. Saturn changes signs every two years and takes 28 years to make a complete cycle around the Sun – hence the “Saturn Return” or coming of age when we turn 28 years old. With Saturn, we reap what we sow.

This January, Authority (Saturn) meets Revolution (Pluto) in a conjunction in Capricorn. Both of these planets and signs are extreme so there could be brilliant discoveries and brutal revolutions playing out on the world stage. This is a rare event that will effect us on a personal level too. Who has authority over us and is it time for radical change? In another couple of years, we will have the same planetary configuration that occurred in 1776 – which brought the birth of our nation. Right now, the U.S. is facing it’s shadow and preparing for evolution. I hope it will be a positive one.

Onto the horoscopes! I will look at the influence of Saturn on your sign, as well as the position of your ruler. Reading your sun sign is important, but it’s also good to read the sign that relates to your Rising sign. If you don’t know your rising sign (also called the ascendant), you can figure it out here.

Aries: The Ram
Mars, your ruler, enters Libra on October 4th, which is it’s detriment (not happy). This gives you a week to make important changes, and to take action on anything urgent, because after October 4th you’ll be in a “resting” phase for a month or so. The good news is Venus (love) is in your House of Partnership! It’s a great time to date, or form equal and balanced partnerships.
Saturn in Capricorn falls in your 10th House of Career and Public Image. With Saturn, you reap what you’ve sown. If there’s any unfinished issues or fears regarding career, you can face them now and purge them from your life. This gives you the opportunity to build a new, solid foundation.

Taurus: The Bull
The astrological action this Fall will be Venus transiting your House of Partnerships. Scorpio season is around the corner, bringing up issues, good and bad, in your relationship(s). It will be important for you to be brave and speak your truth with important people around you. The good news is your ruler, Venus, is currently moving through Libra, which is very harmonious and brings good luck with work.
With Saturn Direct in your House of Life Perspective, you are asked to reexamine your belief systems and upgrade them. Saturn brings up issues around security and structure, so changing your personal truth has huge repurcussions on the foundation of your life.

Gemini: The Twins
Your ruler, Mercury, is currently moving through your House of Romance and Creativity, which is very fortunate! Your usual mental clarity has been taken up a notch, and your social life is flourishing. If you have any writing to do, now is the time.

Saturn in Capricorn falls in your 8th House of sex, death and taxes. It’s a good time to pursue serious study of an occult nature, but a bad time to ask for credit. You have to earn your money right now.

Cancer: The Crab
With Venus (planet of Love) transiting Libra, you are on easy street for the next month or so. Venus brings friends, warmth, romance and money! Meanwhile, on the other side of your chart, Pluto in Capricorn brings some powerful personalities into your life. Don’t be put off by the dark, brooding types, for those relationships hold the seeds of personal transformation.
Saturn in Capricorn will bring tremendous growth in commitments and partnerships. Your main relationship is either being deepened and renewed, or it’s crumbling under the tremendous weight of Saturn and Pluto. Go with the flow, and let go of the past. It’s time to move on and create a more stable and nurturing life for yourself.

Leo: The Lion
Your ruler the Sun has entered Libra (your Communication House) bringing good communication and focus on family and community. The Fall season will be great for your love life.
Saturn in Capricorn will falls in your House of Work and Health. If you feel it’s time for a new job, don’t hesitate to update your resume and start looking. Saturn sets people free from stagnant situations. If you want to renew your commitment to your job, Saturn supports that as well.

Virgo: The Virgin
Your ruler, Mercury, is Direct for the next few months, so it’s a time of forward motion. Mercury is moving fast through Libra and Scorpio this Fall. You will be putting a lot of energy into getting organized and negotiating relationships.
Saturn in Capricorn will bring tremendous focus to your romantic life, children and creativity. Now is the time to tackle anything creative that takes persistence to accomplish. Saturn will make you dead serious about dating too. No frilly affairs, laziness or procrastination… you mean business.

Libra: The Scales
Your ruler, Venus, is leading the Sun and Mercury through your sign. This brings wonderful opportunities for Libras (Happy Birthday!). Hopefully you’ve ironed out any lingering identity issues and are ready to take a more decisive approach to life’s challenges.
Saturn in Capricorn heralds a focus on your foundations – namely Home and Security. You might resolve some unfinished business with roommates or strike out on your own. Saturn can bring new maturity to your character, and your approach to life.

Scorpio: The Scorpion
Your ruling planet, Mars, will be entering your sign this Fall heralding your birthday season. It means you can put ambition together with your vision. As for love, you will have a tremendous amount of sex appeal.
Saturn direct in Capricorn (House of Communications) will bring a new seriousness and depth to how you express yourself over the next two years. Honesty, truth and trust will become the key factor in your relationships. If you can’t be authentic with people they will get the boot.

Sagittarius: The Archer
Your ruler, Jupiter (Good Fortune and Luck), is transiting Sagittarius! This is a fantastic time to bring prosperity into your life. Now is the time to negotiate for what you want! Clarify your ambitions and set some clear goals, because you can make real progress over the next several months.
With Saturn newly Direct in Capricorn, the realistic eye of Saturn turns to your financial life. It’s time to get organized and create a solid budget. If there’s some area of your career that requires persistence and commitment, you will be over supplied with those qualities between now and the spring.

Capricorn: The Sea Goat
Your ruler, Saturn, is at home in Capricorn for the next several months! Saturn will wrap you in a leaden blanket of support, giving you greater protection. The tricky part is that Pluto (Revolution) is there too, commanding you to evolve and shed anything that doesn’t connect with your soul’s purpose. These two powerful planets will meet in a conjunction in Capricorn in January, so things in your life will become more and more unbearable until you make real changes.

The main thing for you though, is the new growth around how you see yourself and the world. Saturn in your sign is a time of self reflection, leading to clarification of your identity and your path on this planet. Who do you want to be?

Aquarius: The Water Bearer
Your ruler, Uranus, is in Taurus for the next decade giving you a new stability, and a path to manifest your dreams. Also, Jupiter (Good Fortune) is transiting your House of Career, giving you special luck concerning your work! You can expand and make some incredible progress right now.
Saturn in Capricorn ushers in a time to purge the situations, behaviors and negative thoughts that hold you back. Resolve the parts of your life that feel vague or undefined; this will usher in a new phase of your life.

Pisces: The Fish
You have a deep connection to your creativity and imagination right now, since your ruler, Neptune, is currently swimming through Pisces. It’s an incredibly fortuitous moment, but beware of issues around addiction surfacing too. Be vigilant about your tendencies toward escapism and keep the focus on accomplishing goals.
Saturn is now Direct in your House of Gains. There might be some friendships that need a realistic assessment. You might receive a new leadership role at work, or there might be extra responsibilities involving groups of people. This is a time of great personal revolution that will lead to a more meaningful and stable future.
You are willing to put in the time, persistence and hard work to make your dreams a reality. What you do now will set the direction of your life for the next five years.

Full Moon in Pisces

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“Sirens by the Sea” by Victor Karlovich Shtemberg (1863-1921)

Sun at 19 Virgo. Full moon in Pisces today (Friday) at 9:33pm Pacific.
Mercury enters Libra just after midnight tonight.
Mars at 16 Virgo, and Venus enters Libra at 6:43am Pacific tomorrow morning.
Jupiter at 16 Sagittarius
Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto retrograding.

Happy Birthday to all the Virgos! Tonight’s lovely Harvest Moon is for you. It will be in the sign of Pisces, which represents inspiration, psychic sensitivity, compassion, mysticism, and connecting with the divine. We’re doing some soul searching this weekend; be open to messages you receive from the universe. They could come through your own thoughts or insights, something someone says, or a synchronistic event. Today’s Full Moon in Pisces brings actualization to that personal area of your chart. Meditate and reflect.

Virgo and Pisces are both signs of purity, but Virgo focuses on the body and healthy habits, while Pisces brings a purification of the Soul.

The danger of Pisces is engaging in escapism to avoid facing reality. If you are able keep your feet on the ground, Pisces brings huge spiritual strength. Try not to overindulge in food, drink, sex, shopping, alcohol, TV or drugs this weekend. Instead, be open to what the Universe wants to show you about your current path. Take a break from worrying and personalizing everything and see that you are part of something bigger. The ruler of Pisces is Neptune, and this planet brings connection to all the different planes of existence; the feeling that we are all ONE.

Orangefis

 

She Isn’t High-Maintenance, You’re Just Low Effort

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I saw the title of this article and was intrigued… it’s an interesting idea…

There are plenty of women AND men in the world who are ridiculously demanding, self absorbed and emotionally avoidant, but I don’t hear men being called “high maintenance” very often. When a woman is called “high maintenance”, it could be true, but it also might be a way of dismissing her power. Maybe a woman referred to as high maintenance, is actually high value.

It takes effort to make your life work well, to heal yourself and become a high value person. It takes a lot of work, and ANYONE can do it.

Getting your s*** together is worth it, because it helps one to thrive in life. A high value person, in my view, is someone who takes responsibility for the own happiness, makes an effort to not cause harm or hurt to others, and lives a life of honor and integrity.

It’s someone who aims to live a life in harmony with the eight fold path in Buddhism: right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. Once this person has achieved their own happiness and stability, they try to be helpful to others and guide and support them too.

“Last time I checked, having standards doesn’t make a woman high-maintenance, it just makes her a person who knows what she wants.
It doesn’t make her a mission impossible, it just requires a bit more effort than it normally would. And putting in extra effort can be a problem to some, which is why it’s always easier to come up with excuses than it is to step up your game.

She is the kind of woman who doesn’t depend on anyone.
It’s because she knows to lean on someone in life means to be left without anything once that someone decides to walk away from her.

That’s why she takes care of herself and she makes life good for herself. She doesn’t need you to do that for her.
She’s perfectly capable of doing it on her own.
She knows her worth.
She feels good about herself and she isn’t afraid to show it. But she only feels this way because she’s worked hard on herself.
She’s aware of how much she brings to the table and she always keeps in mind that she’s more than good enough.

And there is nothing more valuable in this world than a woman who knows her worth.

She knows where she wants to be in life. And she knows how to get there too. She’s a person who constantly pushes her limits and who’s constantly trying.

She keeps working on herself. She takes care of her looks and her brains as well.
She knows what she deserves.
And she isn’t settling for anything less. That’s why she might appear as high-maintenance to some. But she is just asking for as much as she’s ready to give and that’s all.
In case you’re failing to reach her standards or win her over, perhaps it’s not the problem that she has set her standards high, but that you have your efforts set really low?

You don’t get to disrespect her.
She doesn’t let people treat her badly and she never allows other people to project their insecurities on her.
She is a high-value woman and she holds her head high. That’s why she’ll never put up with someone who tries to bring her down to feel good about himself or with someone who disrespects her.
You don’t get to treat her right only sometimes.
She wants constant effort and she deserves someone who’ll treat her right on all occasions.
She deserves someone who’ll treat her right even when she makes a mistake. She deserves someone who’ll try constantly to prove his love, his admiration and his commitment to her.
You don’t get to be mediocre.”

Read full article here

 

Gen X

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Fun article on Generation X. We’re all middle aged now! As an astrologer, I find it interesting to watch my generation as they travel through life. We are meant to shake things up. We were born during the tumultuous 1960’s, when Uranus and Pluto were in a conjunction in Virgo. We are redefining technology, communication, service, health, habits, and what it means to achieve a dream.

“The tech, music, style, books, trends, rules, films and pills that made Gen X … so so-so.”

“Like many things considered “cool,” Gen X is pretty exclusive. You had to be born between 1965 and 1980 to get in to this gloomy, goofy club of forgotten middle children, and only about 65 million of us were. (Both boomers, at 75 million, and millennials, at 83 million, far outnumber us.)

The idea behind that “X” was about coming between. Gen X supposedly didn’t know what they were, or what they wanted. All they knew, they were told, was what they didn’t want — marriage, money, success — and then they shrugged and popped a Prozac.

And you know what else Gen X is? Getting older. Its oldest members are 54; its youngest are preparing for 40. As we try to make sense of that fact, here’s a look at the stuff we loved and hated, as well as a re-evaluation of things like “The Rules,” grunge, CK One and 1994; an appreciation of John Singleton; a quiz to figure out which generation you actually are; and a visit with Evan Dando, plus some dynamite for the myths that have always dogged Gen X. So put on your headphones, click on that Walkman below (surprise!) and let’s travel through this time machine together.” — Anya Strzemien

If You’re Unhappy With Your Life, It’s Your Responsibility To Change It

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By Dian Tinio
Updated June 16, 2019

“Oftentimes, we settle for what we think is right, acceptable and safe. We are so dominated by the idea of staying because it feels scary to move. Because it feels frightening to face a whole new environment without the people, the things, or the places we’ve been so used to.
We are so terrified by the idea of moving on, because we feel like we just can’t move on and leave things behind. We sacrifice our own being, our own happiness. We choose to compromise all these because we choose to stay, when we should really be moving on, moving forward.

If you’re unhappy, MOVE. Because if you’re meant to stay in one place, you should have roots, instead of feet.

If you’re unhappy with your job, quit. If you feel like, you’re no longer growing, no longer learning, if you’re no longer productive, if you’re only clocking in and out every single day – then move. If you’re constantly stressing over the fact that it drains you mentally, physically and emotionally, then move. If you’re thinking of just sticking with that job that never fails to suck your joy because it pays the bills and you might be “promoted” there and can call yourself “successful” and “happier” – NO. Your happiness does not depend on your success. Your success actually depends on your happiness. If you think there are new opportunities, new places, new things you can explore and will contribute to your soul and to your individual growth, then go there. If it’s worth your time thinking, then it’s worth trying. No one’s too old to try. Whether it ends good or bad, it’s still an experience. Let’s not forget that every experience teaches us a valuable lesson that we might never learn if we choose otherwise.

If you’re unhappy with the people you surround yourself with, leave. If you feel like they no longer influence you positively and you no longer prosper with them then leave. By leaving, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting them off of your life or you’re forgetting them forever, it just simply means that you are finally moving forward. The time you had with them was spectacular. There were learnings and encouragements but when they are no longer a vessel of such and all they do is drag you into settling for mediocrity, then maybe it’s time to say your “thank you” and “see you again”. You are just recognizing that you need to go on with your life, perhaps without them.

If you’re unhappy with your love life, end it. They aren’t the last people on earth. Romantic relationships are more than forehead kisses, dinner dates, tight hugs and sweet letters – romantic relationships just like any other vital connection you have, is supposed to mature with you. Romantic relationships are supposed to let you flourish and develop in every aspect of who you are. It is supposed to hearten you every morning and not weigh you down with doubts and resentments. If your partner becomes a constant instrument of heartache and toxicity, then cut them off. You are not obliged to burden yourself with such. They are supposed to be one of the top people who will propel you to be at your best, to motivate you and allow you to discover the extent of your grandeur. Remember that, always. Who knows, maybe in the near future you’ll meet someone who’ll contribute to your soul even more.

If you’re unhappy with your city, move. Don’t get stranded with comfort zones and safety nets. Familiarity is good but too much familiarity is not that good. A little risk and uncertainty can go a long long way. If you’re only staying because you feel it’s secured and because you’re already living there for a long while now that it is “home” or that it is “convenient” – well, you might want to re-think your decisions. Being comfortable can be a whole lot scarier than taking risks. You stopped conquering magnificent things when you start getting comfortable. Remember, great things come outside of our comfort zone. So pack your things, leave your city and move to another one if you must. Go out on this adventure to nowhere. Start anew. Search for a place you might like to visit, a place you might like to stay. Now is the time. Home is where your happiness is, not where it’s guarded.

If you’re unhappy with your life path, take any turn possible. Whether it is your college course or your career path, or your business direction – whatever path it is that you’re taking right now, if it reeks strong discontentment, then it’s the perfect time to take a pause and redirect yourself. If you’re taking a course you don’t like, shift. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to waste years, effort and money on something you never even love in the first place. It will only teach you to settle. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t embolden you, you’ll still feel devoid, exhausted. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re graduating next year, you better decide before you find yourself trapped in an office chair with loads of shitty work you don’t even understand and doesn’t enrich your passion. If you’re investing years of your precious time and expertise in a career path you’re not even appeased with, shift. If you don’t see yourself on the same path in the years to come, what’s the point? There is no right time to shift and leave, you do it when you feel like it. You do it when you’re unhappy. You do it now. Take on a new path, embrace diversity and development. Whatever path it is you’re in right now, if you’re unhappy, take a turn. Whether it is left or right, as long as you’re happy, you will not lose yourself.

If you’re unhappy with how you see life, move your sight. See life from a different view, a different perspective. Re-acquaint yourself with life. Worrying or over-thinking things don’t change how life is. Like they say, don’t stress over the things you can’t change. The only thing you can do is fix your eyes on a different light, see life in all its splendor. Stop viewing it for all its troubles. Life is beautiful.
If you’re unhappy where you are right now, move. It’s as simple as that, I don’t know why we make everything so complicated. Why we spend so much of our time and energy scrutinizing everything, when the only thing we should really be thinking about is our own happiness.

Thus, instead of dreading and over-examining every decision you need to make in your life, trust your guts. Sometimes, taking risks and clinging to perplexity is a good thing. You don’t always have to weigh the pros and cons of things, sometimes there is only one thing that really, truly matters and that is; your happiness, your passion for this life and your hunger for a contented heart. You don’t have to be sure of where you’re going or what the next step is; sometimes all you have to do is take the first step and that is to MOVE.”

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women

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“People who lose their parents early in life are like fellow war veterans. As soon as they discover that they are talking to someone else who has lost a parent, they know they are speaking the same language without uttering a word.” – Pamela Thomas

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.”

“Growing Up Without a Dad Shapes Who You Are” by McKenna Meyers

“It took six decades, but I can finally utter a huge truth that caused me tremendous shame and sadness: My father didn’t love me. I never spoke that deep, dark secret, but it was always festering inside of me. It manifested itself in many ways throughout my life as I struggled with a food obsession, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression.
Whether a dad was present but rejecting like mine or walked away from his fatherly duties entirely, his absence leaves an indelible mark on a daughter’s psyche as she grows into adulthood.

Below, you’ll find six ways a daughter may be affected by an uninvolved dad.

1. Fatherless Daughters Have Self-Esteem Issues

According to Deborah Moskovitch, an author and divorce consultant, kids often blame themselves when dad leaves the home and becomes less involved in their lives. When they aren’t given an explanation about why dad left, they make up their own scenario and jump to the conclusion that it’s their fault and that they’re unlovable.
This is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on daughters’ self esteem. Her confidence in her own abilities and value as a human being can be greatly diminished if her father isn’t there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a woman’s self esteem is diminished in every setting if she did not form a healthy relationship with her father

2. Daughters With Absent Fathers Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships

According to Pamela Thomas, author of Fatherless Daughters (a book that examines how women cope with the loss of a father via death or divorce), women who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scarred by their dad’s rejection of them, they don’t want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.
Ever since childhood, I’ve built walls around myself. I didn’t open up to people. I didn’t ask questions about their families, jobs, or hobbies. I kept my life private, and I remained socially isolated. These were all self-protective measures so I wouldn’t experience rejection like I did with my dad. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to help me change my behavior because my fear of rejection was more powerful than my desire to make connections.

3. Women With Absent Fathers Are More Likely to Have Eating Disorders

In their book The Parent’s Guide to Eating Disorders, the authors Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto write eloquently about the fact that girls with physically or emotionally absent fathers are at greater risk of developing eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge-eating, body dysmorphia, unhealthy preoccupations with food or body weight, and other eating disorders are all more likely if a girl does not have a father figure as she’s growing up. Daughters without dads are also twice as likely to be obese. Because her longing to have a close relationship with her dad is denied, she may develop what Margo Maine (author of Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, & Food) calls “father hunger,” a deep emptiness and a profound insecurity. Daughters are left wondering: What’s so wrong with me that my own father doesn’t love me? If I looked different—if I was thin—would I earn daddy’s love?
I’ve struggled with “father hunger” throughout my life—stuffing my face to fill the void, dieting to get model-thin, and always obsessing about food. My days have been filled with thoughts of eating—either doing it or struggling mightily not to. When I accepted that my dad didn’t love me and that he was an unhappy man with deep-rooted problems, I finally started eating normally and began maintaining a healthy weight. I began treating myself in a loving way by exercising, gardening, reading, walking in the woods, and spending time with family. For the first time in my life, I only thought about food when I was truly hungry. This freed me to enjoy my life in so many wonderful ways.

4. Daughters of Absent Fathers Are More Prone to Depression

Not surprisingly, girls who grew up with dads who were emotionally or physically absent are more likely to struggle with depression as adults. Because they fear abandonment and rejection, these women often isolate themselves emotionally. They avoid healthy romantic relationships because they don’t feel deserving and fear getting hurt, but they might jump into unhealthy relationships that ultimately lead to heartbreak. In either scenario, the women are in emotional peril and frequently become depressed. If they don’t deal with the cause of their sadness—an absent dad—they may never be able to develop healthy relationships with men.
To top it all off, data suggests that children without fathers are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
According to Denna Babul and Karin Louise, authors of The Fatherless Daughter Project, it’s helpful to simply realize that we’re not alone. In fact, one in three women see themselves as fatherless and struggle with feelings of abandonment. Knowing this fact helps us see that there’s a whole sisterhood out there who share a common pain and a need to connect. When we open up and share our journey, we help both ourselves and each other. Whether we feel the loss of a dad through death, divorce, drug addiction, estrangement, or emotional neglect, we must grieve in order to move forward. Read Five Steps to Heal Her Pain: How a Fatherless Daughter Can Move On From Her Dad’s Rejection for ideas on how to avoid falling into depression. A gifted therapist can be key to helping us do just that and becoming happier people.

5. Dadless Daughters Are More Likely to Become Sexually Active Earlier

Studies have shown the many benefits that come from a strong father-daughter bond. Most notably, girls who are close to their dads are less likely to get pregnant as teens. They delay engaging in sexual relationships, wait longer to get married and have children, and when they do find a husband, their marriages are more emotionally satisfying, stable, and long-lasting.
Countless studies also show that women who have unstable or absent paternal relationships are more likely to start having sex earlier and engage risky sexual behaviors. Daughters are four times more likely to get pregnant as a teen if dad isn’t in the picture. Studies show that more than 70% of unplanned teenage pregnancies occur in homes where there is no father.

6. Abandoned Daughters Are Susceptible to Addiction

As with depression, eating disorders, and low self esteem, the absence of a father can trap a daughter in a negative repetitive pattern she can’t easily break out of and turn to drugs to self-medicate and help numb the pain. She is more likely to find herself trapped in a cycle of substance abuse, for example. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Not only are kids in father-absent households about four times more likely to be poor (which can trigger many negative cycles), fatherless adolescents were found to be 69% more likely to use drugs and 76% more likely to commit crimes.

Can a Daughter Survive Without a Father?

Try as I might, I was never been able to get any traction, always making a mess of this or that and never able to form long-lasting friendships. I rejected happiness because I never felt worthy of it. I did so much to sabotage my life and make myself miserable.
Then last year my older sister revealed to me that she, too, had felt unloved by him. I immediately felt enormous relief and then great euphoria. I realized it had never been about me—that I was bad, ugly, stupid and undeserving. It had always been about him—his unhappy childhood, his cold mother, his negative nature, and his dissatisfaction with being a husband and father. It had never been about me…never.
I could finally shout: “You were a piece of crap and now I’m done with you! I’m not your prisoner any more!”
According to Caitlin Marvaso, AMFT, a grief counselor and therapist, to recover from a father’s abandonment, a woman “must learn how to father herself, hold herself, and receive the type of love a father provides. It is a lifelong process, but with the proper support, tools, and patience, it is totally possible. That being said, the grief and pain never goes away, it just changes.”
A daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realizes that the problem isn’t her, it’s him. This is the first step toward healing.

What Is Fatherless Daughter Syndrome?

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.
Does the Reason Affect the Result of Fatherlessness?
Half of the daughters in the US self-identify as having no father in their lives, but the reasons for that fatherlessness vary. Approximately 28% lost their connection to their dads via divorce or separation, while 26% cite emotional absence as the reason for the estrangement. 19% lost their fathers to death, 13% to abandonment, 13% to addiction, 12% to abuse, and 4% to incarceration. 6% say they never met their father.
Certainly, a daughter whose loving dad passed away when she was 15 will be affected differently than a daughter whose father abandoned her when she was born. Unfortunately, many studies do not account for the reasons for fatherlessness.
The effects of fatherlessness can be mitigated by many factors. Daughters who were brought up in households with two moms, a loving and very-involved step parent, or participating grandparents or other extended family members will probably not experience the same lasting wounds and negative impact of a father’s abandonment.

What Are the Emotional Effects of Being Abandoned by a Father?

Compared to those with healthy paternal relationships, fatherless women report…
feeling less happiness and lower levels of well-being,
higher levels of frustration, anger, and anger-related depression,
difficulty navigating the emotions of intimate relationships, and
overwhelming fears of abandonment.

What Are the Psychological Effects of an Absent Father?

To summarize, depression, suicide, eating disorders, obesity (and its effects), early sexual activity, addiction-formation, and difficulty building and holding on to loving relationships are all side-effects of an absent father.