Tag Archives: Fall

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women

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“People who lose their parents early in life are like fellow war veterans. As soon as they discover that they are talking to someone else who has lost a parent, they know they are speaking the same language without uttering a word.” – Pamela Thomas

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.”

“Growing Up Without a Dad Shapes Who You Are” by McKenna Meyers

“It took six decades, but I can finally utter a huge truth that caused me tremendous shame and sadness: My father didn’t love me. I never spoke that deep, dark secret, but it was always festering inside of me. It manifested itself in many ways throughout my life as I struggled with a food obsession, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression.
Whether a dad was present but rejecting like mine or walked away from his fatherly duties entirely, his absence leaves an indelible mark on a daughter’s psyche as she grows into adulthood.

Below, you’ll find six ways a daughter may be affected by an uninvolved dad.

1. Fatherless Daughters Have Self-Esteem Issues

According to Deborah Moskovitch, an author and divorce consultant, kids often blame themselves when dad leaves the home and becomes less involved in their lives. When they aren’t given an explanation about why dad left, they make up their own scenario and jump to the conclusion that it’s their fault and that they’re unlovable.
This is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on daughters’ self esteem. Her confidence in her own abilities and value as a human being can be greatly diminished if her father isn’t there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a woman’s self esteem is diminished in every setting if she did not form a healthy relationship with her father

2. Daughters With Absent Fathers Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships

According to Pamela Thomas, author of Fatherless Daughters (a book that examines how women cope with the loss of a father via death or divorce), women who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scarred by their dad’s rejection of them, they don’t want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.
Ever since childhood, I’ve built walls around myself. I didn’t open up to people. I didn’t ask questions about their families, jobs, or hobbies. I kept my life private, and I remained socially isolated. These were all self-protective measures so I wouldn’t experience rejection like I did with my dad. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to help me change my behavior because my fear of rejection was more powerful than my desire to make connections.

3. Women With Absent Fathers Are More Likely to Have Eating Disorders

In their book The Parent’s Guide to Eating Disorders, the authors Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto write eloquently about the fact that girls with physically or emotionally absent fathers are at greater risk of developing eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge-eating, body dysmorphia, unhealthy preoccupations with food or body weight, and other eating disorders are all more likely if a girl does not have a father figure as she’s growing up. Daughters without dads are also twice as likely to be obese. Because her longing to have a close relationship with her dad is denied, she may develop what Margo Maine (author of Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, & Food) calls “father hunger,” a deep emptiness and a profound insecurity. Daughters are left wondering: What’s so wrong with me that my own father doesn’t love me? If I looked different—if I was thin—would I earn daddy’s love?
I’ve struggled with “father hunger” throughout my life—stuffing my face to fill the void, dieting to get model-thin, and always obsessing about food. My days have been filled with thoughts of eating—either doing it or struggling mightily not to. When I accepted that my dad didn’t love me and that he was an unhappy man with deep-rooted problems, I finally started eating normally and began maintaining a healthy weight. I began treating myself in a loving way by exercising, gardening, reading, walking in the woods, and spending time with family. For the first time in my life, I only thought about food when I was truly hungry. This freed me to enjoy my life in so many wonderful ways.

4. Daughters of Absent Fathers Are More Prone to Depression

Not surprisingly, girls who grew up with dads who were emotionally or physically absent are more likely to struggle with depression as adults. Because they fear abandonment and rejection, these women often isolate themselves emotionally. They avoid healthy romantic relationships because they don’t feel deserving and fear getting hurt, but they might jump into unhealthy relationships that ultimately lead to heartbreak. In either scenario, the women are in emotional peril and frequently become depressed. If they don’t deal with the cause of their sadness—an absent dad—they may never be able to develop healthy relationships with men.
To top it all off, data suggests that children without fathers are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
According to Denna Babul and Karin Louise, authors of The Fatherless Daughter Project, it’s helpful to simply realize that we’re not alone. In fact, one in three women see themselves as fatherless and struggle with feelings of abandonment. Knowing this fact helps us see that there’s a whole sisterhood out there who share a common pain and a need to connect. When we open up and share our journey, we help both ourselves and each other. Whether we feel the loss of a dad through death, divorce, drug addiction, estrangement, or emotional neglect, we must grieve in order to move forward. Read Five Steps to Heal Her Pain: How a Fatherless Daughter Can Move On From Her Dad’s Rejection for ideas on how to avoid falling into depression. A gifted therapist can be key to helping us do just that and becoming happier people.

5. Dadless Daughters Are More Likely to Become Sexually Active Earlier

Studies have shown the many benefits that come from a strong father-daughter bond. Most notably, girls who are close to their dads are less likely to get pregnant as teens. They delay engaging in sexual relationships, wait longer to get married and have children, and when they do find a husband, their marriages are more emotionally satisfying, stable, and long-lasting.
Countless studies also show that women who have unstable or absent paternal relationships are more likely to start having sex earlier and engage risky sexual behaviors. Daughters are four times more likely to get pregnant as a teen if dad isn’t in the picture. Studies show that more than 70% of unplanned teenage pregnancies occur in homes where there is no father.

6. Abandoned Daughters Are Susceptible to Addiction

As with depression, eating disorders, and low self esteem, the absence of a father can trap a daughter in a negative repetitive pattern she can’t easily break out of and turn to drugs to self-medicate and help numb the pain. She is more likely to find herself trapped in a cycle of substance abuse, for example. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Not only are kids in father-absent households about four times more likely to be poor (which can trigger many negative cycles), fatherless adolescents were found to be 69% more likely to use drugs and 76% more likely to commit crimes.

Can a Daughter Survive Without a Father?

Try as I might, I was never been able to get any traction, always making a mess of this or that and never able to form long-lasting friendships. I rejected happiness because I never felt worthy of it. I did so much to sabotage my life and make myself miserable.
Then last year my older sister revealed to me that she, too, had felt unloved by him. I immediately felt enormous relief and then great euphoria. I realized it had never been about me—that I was bad, ugly, stupid and undeserving. It had always been about him—his unhappy childhood, his cold mother, his negative nature, and his dissatisfaction with being a husband and father. It had never been about me…never.
I could finally shout: “You were a piece of crap and now I’m done with you! I’m not your prisoner any more!”
According to Caitlin Marvaso, AMFT, a grief counselor and therapist, to recover from a father’s abandonment, a woman “must learn how to father herself, hold herself, and receive the type of love a father provides. It is a lifelong process, but with the proper support, tools, and patience, it is totally possible. That being said, the grief and pain never goes away, it just changes.”
A daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realizes that the problem isn’t her, it’s him. This is the first step toward healing.

What Is Fatherless Daughter Syndrome?

“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome” (colloquially known as “daddy issues”) is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men. It can last a woman’s entire lifetime if the symptoms go unacknowledged and ignored.
Does the Reason Affect the Result of Fatherlessness?
Half of the daughters in the US self-identify as having no father in their lives, but the reasons for that fatherlessness vary. Approximately 28% lost their connection to their dads via divorce or separation, while 26% cite emotional absence as the reason for the estrangement. 19% lost their fathers to death, 13% to abandonment, 13% to addiction, 12% to abuse, and 4% to incarceration. 6% say they never met their father.
Certainly, a daughter whose loving dad passed away when she was 15 will be affected differently than a daughter whose father abandoned her when she was born. Unfortunately, many studies do not account for the reasons for fatherlessness.
The effects of fatherlessness can be mitigated by many factors. Daughters who were brought up in households with two moms, a loving and very-involved step parent, or participating grandparents or other extended family members will probably not experience the same lasting wounds and negative impact of a father’s abandonment.

What Are the Emotional Effects of Being Abandoned by a Father?

Compared to those with healthy paternal relationships, fatherless women report…
feeling less happiness and lower levels of well-being,
higher levels of frustration, anger, and anger-related depression,
difficulty navigating the emotions of intimate relationships, and
overwhelming fears of abandonment.

What Are the Psychological Effects of an Absent Father?

To summarize, depression, suicide, eating disorders, obesity (and its effects), early sexual activity, addiction-formation, and difficulty building and holding on to loving relationships are all side-effects of an absent father.

Astro week of September 24

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September 24th – Full Moon at 2 deg Aries at 7:52pm Pacific.  Starting this week off with the beautiful Harvest Moon. The emphasis is on balance – in our personal lives and partnerships. How do we take care of ourselves and our responsibilities, and share our lives with others? That is the question for all of us. Mars, the ruling planet of Aries, is conjunct the South Node, helping us let go of past patterns and habits that no longer serve us.

Tuesday, Sept. 25th – Moon in Aries, full moon is still in effect. More tests and lessons manifest; especially with the Sun (vision) square Saturn (responsibility). Best way to handle these energies is to focus on YOU, be present with intuitive flashes and let go of the past.

Wednesday, Sept. 26th – Moon void-of-course in Aries ALL DAY! Keep yourself grounded and continue working on things already begun. Get out in nature today and/or be creative.

Thursday, Sept. 27th – Moon in Taurus and Sun trine Mars. It’s easy to manifest ideas and communicate effectively today. Lots of satisfying forward progress can be made, and if you’ve been waiting for a good time to negotiate something, today is the day.

Friday, Sept 28th – Moon in Taurus, void after 3:36pm Pacific. Excellent day for romance, but make your plans early and expect impulsiveness in the evening. The Moon opposes Jupiter in Scorpio which is intense, but can also bring deep wisdom to any romantic tensions.

Saturday, Sept. 29th – Moon in Gemini, Sun in Libra and Mars in Aquarius. GRAND AIR TRINE. Beautiful aspect allowing for huge, positive movement towards wishes fulfilled. Our actions (Mars) are in alignment with our vision (Sun) connecting with us emotionally (Moon), and all in Air signs giving us ideas and clarity. We feel achievement, inner harmony and activation. Pluto stationing overhead helps us evolve and transform into a new version of ourselves.

September 30th – Pluto turns Direct at 18’45 CAP.  A truly remarkable weekend. We will feel this aspect in subtle ways over the coming weeks. Pluto stations can be intense because the events surrounding it often reflect our personal evolutions. The last station was April 22, and Pluto has been retrograde (going backwards) since then. This planet (yes I said PLANET), brings up old, toxic energy to be purged and healed.

When Pluto stations, or stands still in the sky, secrets are revealed and people struggle for power and control. All of this is highly visible on the national stage. Pluto is one of the rulers of Scorpio, and represents core, primal drives within us, like sex. Also the inescapable aspects of being human, like death. In this case however, the “death” is psychological rather than literal 🙂 We touch our potential, and transform into a higher version of ourselves.

 

Autumnal Equinox: horoscopes

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Fall Equinox at 7:21am, Sun into Libra.
MERCURY DIRECT at 10:31pm last night, 9/21.
Libra: Love, Beauty, Harmony, Socializing, Parties, Negotiation, Friendship, Teamwork.

Welcome to Fall! The Autumnal Equinox marks the midpoint between Summer and Winter. Today we have equal day and equal night. Libra is about balance, harmony, justice, and partnerships of ALL kinds.

Today is referred to as the festival of Mabon. This is the second harvest festival of the year, the first being Lammas (August 1st) and the third being Halloween (October 31st). Whatever was started in March this year is now coming to fruition. It’s harvest season, where we see the result of our labors. We reap what we have sown. It’s the time to take stock of where you are in your life right now – what you’ve brought forth and what you still want to manifest.

Today we feel the turn of the wheel of the year. Standing in the middle of equal daylight to equal nighttime, we look at BALANCE. Are we out of balance in our lives? Are we taking care of ourselves? Are we working hard AND making time for our dreams and having fun too?

Mabon also relates to mid life; to our 40’s and 50’s when we have accomplished some things, but also might harbor regrets. The Equinox is a time to give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you’ve created and the positive difference you’ve made in the world. Honor your courage! And how much smarter you are now than when you were young.

This holiday was pivotal in ancient times, since a good final harvest was crucial to surviving the winter months ahead.  Relationships are reassessed so we can decide who is best to take into the harsh winter with us. If someone is draining your energy, now might be the time to let go.

 

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Current Astrology:

The Sun, Jupiter, and Venus are now in Libra, which is BIG energy. The Sun and Jupiter are the largest bodies in our system and radiate expanding, positive light. Jupiter will be in Libra for the next couple of years, giving new insights into the themes of relationships, teamwork, creativity, beauty and luxury.

Jupiter rules our beliefs, faith and truth. Now that Jupiter is in Libra, we will redefine our beliefs about partnerships. There will be a renewed interest to connect, make peace, and find balance. Meanwhile, Venus (ruler of Libra) is moving into Scorpio tomorrow giving a lot of intensity to the current themes in our lives. Avoid socially awkward situations and causing drama.

The horoscopes below take the Sun into account, as well as the ruler of your sign. Be sure to read your Sun sign AND Rising sign. The Rising Sign is the most accurate reflection of your chart when reading most horoscopes. You can calculate your Rising sign here.

Aries:  The Ram
Partnerships of all kinds will be significant in your life over the next month (and year, with Jupiter’s influence). The Sun, Jupiter, and Venus are in your House of Partnerships, bringing a new shift in relationships, faith, healing, expansion and balance.

Taurus:  The Bull
    Your ruler, Venus, is about to enter Scorpio, the sign of relationships and your polarity. Tomorrow begins a foreshadowing of the lessons this season will have for you. They aren’t bad or good, just themes for you to work on. You’ve had some tests in your House of Work, Health and Habits over the last year, but with the entrance of the Sun and Jupiter into this area, you should be able to gain some new traction in daily life matters.

Gemini:  The Twins
     The Sun is in Libra, putting focus on your Romantic and Creative Life. Jupiter is there for the next year giving you huge opportunities to attract romance! Be sure and get out and socialize a lot. Good luck also comes in the form of creative partnerships. Your ruler, Mercury just went Direct last night too, so you are in forward motion again.
Cancer:  The Crab
     Cancerians love their home environments, so you will be thrilled to know that the skies are sending you ample opportunities for home improvement and social gatherings.
The next year also supports you healing your ties with your family of origin, and increasing your self knowledge and faith. It’s a time of digging into your roots and healing your soul.
Leo:  The Lion
    The Sun and Jupiter are shining in your House of Learning and Communication this month. You will love this because your self expression will get a huge boost. Speaking, creativity, visibility in your community will all be expanded for the next two years. Meanwhile Saturn brings maturity to how you communicate with important relationships and your neighborhood pals:)

Virgo:  The Virgin
   Your ruler, Mercury, is giving you a last birthday present by turning Direct in your sign last night, AND at an auspicious degree! New, positive, forward motion has begun. Meanwhile the Sun and Jupiter are in Libra, and the focus shifts to your financial world. For the next year ask yourself, what do you value most? And what is the truth about what you value?
Libra:  The Scales
     It’s birthday season! The Sun and Jupiter have entered Libra and the spotlight is on YOU! It’s the rebirth of your identity for the next solar year. Who are you now? It’s time to set goals for where you’d like to be this time next year. Your ruler, Venus, is moving into Scorpio tomorrow giving some intensity to your relationships.
Scorpio:  The Scorpion
     All the action is in your 12th House of spiritual strength, solitude, artistry, universal connection and the soul. It’s the place you retreat to for healing, safety and security. The inner planets will be visiting you there over the next month to assist you in clearing cobwebs and brightening up the place. You ruler, Mars is traveling with Saturn through Sagittarius, bringing focus to your TRUTH and faith.
Sagittarius:  The Archer
     Had some romance lately? Uranus (sudden events) and Jupiter (good fortune) are hosting a party in your House of Romance right now. Jupiter enlarges your social circle and Uranus brings unusual and revolutionary people into your love life and creative work! Jupiter is also your ruler, so wherever he travels brings focus. The theme of your life for the next year is a reality check with your personal truth, and an expansion of your friendships and social network.

Capricorn:  The Goat
     Saturn, your ruler, is still moving through Sagittarius in your House of Spiritual Connection. What’s the reality of your ambitions, and are you including your spiritual life in your plans? Do they still suit you and do you need a change? Saturn isn’t big on changes, but DOES support your climb up the steep mountain to reach your goal. Think about what that goal is and shift it if necessary. Remember you have Pluto in your sign right now, and that’s a VERY powerful ally. He brings up toxic energy to be purged and healed. Also, you will see good luck regarding career and public image over the next two years.
Aquarius:  The Water Bearer
     The Sun and Jupiter are traversing your House of Life Perspective right now. The next two years is a time of education, training and travel. The transit of Jupiter in Libra expands your mind, faith, self knowledge and personal philosophy. Your ruler, Uranus, is still in Aries which lights a fire under you, and brings confidence, optimism and ambition to your peaceful and humanitarian perspectives.
Pisces:  The Fishes
     All the action is in your 8th house for the next year! This area of your chart represents Other People’s Money – i.e. banks, loans, real estate, rentals and credit. Don’t overspend. Kinda boring stuff for artistic Pisces, but with the Sun and Jupiter there it’s a great time to negotiate with authority and solidify your relationships. You can attract helpful people to your life right now. This house also relates to SEX, so it could be a hot and steamy year for you!