Tag Archives: datingandrelationships

Honor Yourself

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from digital artist Tetyana Erhart, Ukraine

“Men earn their value through their actions, accomplishments, and ability to provide, while women are born with innate value, embodying beauty, grace, and nurturing energy. This is why men are biologically wired to chase their desires, while women are wired to attract them effortlessly.

Many women forget their power or use it in ways that diminish their worth. Instead of embracing their natural magnetism, they plead for love, care, and attention—when, in reality, they only need to nurture themselves to draw everything they desire toward them.

A woman who prioritizes herself—her well-being, her emotional health, her purpose—becomes irresistible. She doesn’t need to chase or beg; she simply radiates an energy that compels the right people, opportunities, and love toward her.

The world has conditioned women to believe they must prove their worth, to give endlessly without receiving in return. But true feminine energy is about receiving just as much as giving. It is about being in flow rather than forcing things to happen.

A woman in her power does not convince a man to love her. She embodies the kind of energy that makes a man want to cherish, protect, and commit to her. She understands that desperation repels, but self-respect and self-care magnetize devotion.

When a woman takes care of herself—emotionally, mentally, and physically—she automatically becomes more attractive. Not just in a superficial way, but in a deep, energetic way that commands respect and admiration.

She no longer settles for breadcrumbs of love. She knows her presence alone is a gift, and she waits for the man who recognizes it without needing to be reminded or begged.

To all women reading this: You are not here to convince someone to choose you. You are here to choose yourself first. And in doing so, you will attract those who truly see and appreciate you.

Honor yourself. Take care of yourself. Walk away from anything that makes you feel less than worthy. The right love will always find its way to a woman who stands in her power.

Let go of the need to chase or prove your worth. You were born with it. All you need to do is own it.”

– Abhikesh

Boysober Girlsober

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Great article from comedian Hope Woodard and Marisa Charpentier at the New York Times: “She’s not celibate – she’s Boysober”

“The comedian Hope Woodard is spreading the word about her yearlong break from sex and dating. One fan calls it “this year’s hottest mental health craze.”

…”During her time at the mic, “Ms. Woodard described moments when she was the villain of her own dating story — times when she had led someone on, or had allowed herself to be treated poorly because she wanted attention.”

A big part of the yearlong break from sex and romance is unlearning the unhealthy relationship patterns that often get passed down from generation to generation. “Maybe we are one of the first generations of women where we don’t actually have to plug into a man for, like, energy and power and whatever,” Ms. Woodard said.

Ms. Wright, 25, pointed to the pressure on women to earn male attention. “When that dissolves,” she said, “there’s a whole new world that opens.”

Ms. Woodard said that, growing up in the South, she was raised to please others. Now, she said, she sometimes struggles with knowing what she wants. At its core, her “boysober” year is about learning how to say no.

“I’m a little bit angry at myself and angry at all the sex that I’ve had that I feel like I didn’t choose,” she said. “For the first time ever, I just feel like I have ownership over my body.”

Catie Kobland, 24, a nanny and graduate student in Manhattan who attended the event, said that she and her friends “go celibate” every so often.

“When you get out of a relationship, or you have a really bad situationship and dating or seeing people is tainted, and you want to rinse it from your mouth, I feel like the best way to do it is celibacy,” Ms. Kobland said. “It’s this year’s hottest mental health craze.”

to find love

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To a young woman seeking the right young man:

So many believe that love is a romance; that it is something into which you fall, suddenly, effortlessly.

Let me tell you what is true love.

Two people live together, care for each other, weather the storms together

—and one day they discover they cannot live without one another.

That is love.

Don’t fall in love. Create love.

  • Rabbi Tzvi Freeman

Week of July 25th

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Sun at 2 Leo
Mercury DIRECT at 10 Leo
Venus at 8 Cancer
Mars at 12 Taurus
Jupiter at 9 Aries
Saturn RETROGRADE at 23 Aquarius (rulership)
Neptune RETROGRADE 25 Pisces (rulership)
Pluto RETROGRADE at 27 Capricorn
North Node at 18 Taurus

The Sun moved into Leo last Friday, entering his home kingdom. The Sun is in his natural element in Leo, and shines his brightest! Now is the time to do Sun magick if you have the inclination. Focus on leadership and lead with you heart. Helping other people shine, is the best use of this energy. This week we are still in the 4th quarter of the Moon. We rest and wrap things up, all in preparation for the rebirth of the New Moon in Leo this Thursday.

Leo is our identity, and we discover who we are THROUGH being creative. What are you creating? What do you enjoy doing? We see ourselves through our play, our hobbies and crafts, our songs, and through our children. If you are still feeling a little lost from all the massive changes last year, try creating something. You will see yourself in that creation.

There’s a lot of big aspects this week. Uranus and the Moon’s North Node (destiny) are conjunct at 18° Taurus on Tuesday, which really stirs things up and creates new opportunities for the path forward. Many unexpected developments and events can pop up out of nowhere, sending you in a different direction. Mercury square Mars can raise tensions and road rage, so be calm while driving. And further out, Saturn is moving towards another square with Uranus. It’s happening now, but will be exact on October 23rd and will reignite some of the tensions from last year.

Wednesday, July 27th: Moon in Cancer goes void at 5:54pm Pacific, so stay home tonight and spoil yourself. With Jupiter standing still in the sky preparing to go retrograde tomorrow, indulgences abound. Go to the spa and eat whatever you want. Also today, Mercury in Leo trines Chiron-the-healer in Aries. There could be information, results or progress concerning a mental, emotional or physical health issue. Your inner voice is talking to you all the time, letting you know what you need.

Thursday, July 28th: New Moon in Leo at 10:55am Pacific indicates the start of a new lunar cycle. Let your creativity wander alongside your imagination. Focus on you, because you have gold to share. You have a rare and intrinsic quality that no one else has on the planet! Also, Jupiter Retrograde begins! Is life sending you in a new direction? Embrace it and go with the flow. Revelations abound.

NOTE: For the whole week, subscribe to my Patreon page!
These posts are delivered straight to your inbox every Sunday evening, join here, it’s only $1 per post ($4 a month) and supports my writing!  https://www.patreon.com/LizRose93

One sided relationships

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I’ve had a few one-sided relationships in my life, and of course it all started with my relationship with my alcoholic father. When I saw this picture from the “Rising Woman” website, it really reminded me of growing up with a distant father. Seems like many kids who grew up in the 70’s experienced the same thing.

My dad had very low self esteem, and no tools to manage his emotions. The only thing he knew to do was drink and create emotional and physical distance from people. When my Mom left him in 1969, he punished her by emotionally abandoning me. The result was I had difficulty trusting men, and would usually choose someone who was a workaholic, heavy drinker, physically compromised or burdened with responsibilities.

Thanks to my work in programs like Alanon, I’ve been able to work through a lot of these issues. Alanon is free and available to anyone dealing with an alcoholic or addict. I highly recommend it! Here’s more information from Rising Woman about one sided relationships with romantic partners:

“Ever find yourself clinging to a one-sided relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner?

A good question to ask when we notice this is:

“What part of me is it that wants this so badly?”

Sometimes it’s our most wounded self… or our “child-self” that takes over and gets caught in the pain and fear of not being chosen.

… The fear of being abandoned.

Our emotions are powerful. And to become more Conscious and self-loving… It’s our job to learn how to listen to our emotions and act from a place of self-worth.

(Rather than react out of discomfort.)

We often simply mask our discomfort to avoid feeling abandoned, unloved, or unworthy, without really going to the root cause.

We’re temporarily soothing ourselves with a chase… or giving ourselves away in dead-end relationships.

… But we’re not actually getting what we want or what we deserve from a relationship.

If they say they can’t commit – Believe them.

If they tell you they aren’t ready – Believe them.

If they say “I like you, but I’m selfish” – Believe them.

People don’t necessarily want to hurt us, but the reality is, unless they’ve done their inner-work and are aware enough to act Consciously, their actions may be entirely self-serving; which leaves you feeling unsupported.

It’s up to you to be your own wise, nurturing and loving inner-parent.

Remind yourself that it’s safe to be loved…

That healthy love doesn’t have to be boring…

Learn to see the signs of when you might be confusing chaos with chemistry.

You are here to be loved and cherished.

You have the capacity to step into your worth. And stretch yourself to show up powerfully in all of your relationships.

It’s time.

PS. If you’d like to learn more…

Take the short quiz to discover your unique Relationship Signature here: https://risingwoman.com/discover/

Women who chase avoidant men

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“We may find distant or avoidant partners alluring because their avoidance is a challenge for our ego …

We might find it more exciting to be caught up in a push-pull dynamic with someone, than to say yes to love that is readily available and healthy for us.

The excitement comes from eroticizing rejection – it feeds that part of us that still feels like have something to prove.

Prove we’re lovable or worthy. That we are so special that we can change someone’s mind or behaviour.

But that excitement you feel is also draining your energy and soul-sucking on so many levels.

When we abandon ourselves for someone who’s undeserving of our energy, our inner-child is is usually hurting deeply and feeling afraid to be alone.

It’s ok to walk away when your heart isn’t being cherished, honored or supported.

We’re all going to have days where we show up as the worst version of ourselves.

But at the end of the day, we all deserve to be with someone who we know is in our corner.

Someone who loves us on the hard days and treats the relationship as sacred.

Any time we waste chasing someone to give us love, there’s an unmet internal need for love and nurturance toward our inner-child.

You don’t need someone to reflect back your wounds without being willing to heal with you.

You don’t need someone to trigger all of your insecurities by treating you like an after-thought or avoiding intimacy.

It might feel unnatural to let go of this type of connection because you’re breaking a very old pattern … you might even find it “boring” to move towards love that doesn’t trigger you.

Don’t worry, this doesn’t make you “crazy”, it means you really want to heal.

And to heal, you have to practice letting healthy love in.

Healing occurs as you sever your addictions to shadow relationships and move toward people who hold you in your highest light.

Healing comes from doing Self-acceptance work and making the relationship with YOU and your inner-child the number one relationship in your life.

And healing occurs from understanding yourself and your true nature in relationship.”

– from risingwoman.com

Don’t Ask Him Where Your Relationship is Going Because He’s Telling You the Whole Time

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“You just don’t like the answer“

EXCELLENT post by Niki Marinis:

“If he’s not asking you out often, he’s not interested in a relationship. If he only texts you when he’s bored at work, he’s not interested in a relationship. If you only hear from him in the middle of the night, he’s not interested in anything but sex.

This is also why you don’t only date HIM, you date tons of guys at the same time. Let the best man win, damn it.

What has this guy done to deserve your exclusivity? What has he done to prove to you that you should cut off all your other options?

You pressing him for a verbal answer isn’t going to make him want to be with you if he doesn’t already. It isn’t going to make you look like a confident, sexy woman, either.

A confident sexy woman is paying attention to who is paying attention to her. Period. If it’s not him, then he’s out of the running, or very low on the list.

This is YOUR love life. This is YOUR time and energy. Don’t be so eager to shove it in some random guy’s face. Stop committing to men simply because YOU like him. That doesn’t mean he likes YOU. Don’t choose him and then try to make him want you.

Stop opening the door every five seconds looking out to see who’s coming up the walk way. Be too goddamn busy to care who the fuck is coming to your door. And only open it for those who have the fucking balls to knock on it. Stop opening it and waving them in from the street.

Stop saying words. Walk the fuck away. They’ll notice that.

I was up late last night watching trash TV at the hotel my friend got to bribe me into taking her to LAX. I’m a sucker for down pillows and comforters and rooms I don’t have to clean.

She put on a show called Marrying Millions. Yep, that show exists. And I saw a perfect example of exactly what I’m talking about.

The couple is a 34 yo woman and a 29 yo millionaire entrepreneur/rapper man. They’ve been dating for a year. He got her a diamond bracelet for her birthday, not an engagement ring and she was pissed. She decided she needed to talk to him about this. (DON’T DO IT, I’m screaming at the screen)

She wants to know where this relationship is going. (yawn) She’s 34 and wants to get married and have kids and start a family.

It’s a relationship, not a business transaction. You’re dealing with an actual person with their own feelings and wants and timeline, not an inanimate object you can put anywhere you want.

He said he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her but he’s not ready to get married tomorrow. She doesn’t want to accept that. She wants a guarantee that if she waits he’ll marry her.

THAT’S NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK

No one can guarantee you shit. That’s the risk you take in love. Do you love him? Then it shouldn’t matter when it happens. And pressuring him isn’t going to make it happen any sooner.

Only it did. He took her to a ring shop the next day.

But here’s the thing: her pressure didn’t make HIM any more ready to marry her. It made him afraid to lose her, sure. So she was going to get a Shut the Fuck Up ring out of fear instead of an inspired, heartfelt proposal.

She said to him, “Are you doing this because you feel like I pressured you?” And THAT’S why you don’t do this kind of shit, because you will NEVER know the truth. You will NEVER KNOW if he asked you because you pressured him or because he really wanted to.

The ONLY way to know if a man truly wants to be with you is if it’s HIS idea, HIS choice, of his own volition and not from any emotional manipulation on your part.

Isn’t that what you want? Someone who wants you because you’re you and not because you have to convince/threaten/pressure them to be with you? That screams desperate, not confident. That screams willing to settle, not you’re the best choice for me.

Work on yourself. Build your confidence, self-respect, self-worth, self-esteem.

The more you love yourself the less you’ll be willing to settle for and/or throw yourself at the next remotely passable guy who shows you basic human kindness that you confuse for romantic interest.

SPOILER: the diamond bracelet was CZs and they’re still not engaged. Shocker.

She Isn’t High-Maintenance, You’re Just Low Effort

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high-maintenance-woman

I saw the title of this article and was intrigued… it’s an interesting idea…

There are plenty of women AND men in the world who are ridiculously demanding, self absorbed and emotionally avoidant, but I don’t hear men being called “high maintenance” very often. When a woman is called “high maintenance”, it could be true, but it also might be a way of dismissing her power. Maybe a woman referred to as high maintenance, is actually high value.

It takes effort to make your life work well, to heal yourself and become a high value person. It takes a lot of work, and ANYONE can do it.

Getting your s*** together is worth it, because it helps one to thrive in life. A high value person, in my view, is someone who takes responsibility for the own happiness, makes an effort to not cause harm or hurt to others, and lives a life of honor and integrity.

It’s someone who aims to live a life in harmony with the eight fold path in Buddhism: right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. Once this person has achieved their own happiness and stability, they try to be helpful to others and guide and support them too.

“Last time I checked, having standards doesn’t make a woman high-maintenance, it just makes her a person who knows what she wants.
It doesn’t make her a mission impossible, it just requires a bit more effort than it normally would. And putting in extra effort can be a problem to some, which is why it’s always easier to come up with excuses than it is to step up your game.

She is the kind of woman who doesn’t depend on anyone.
It’s because she knows to lean on someone in life means to be left without anything once that someone decides to walk away from her.

That’s why she takes care of herself and she makes life good for herself. She doesn’t need you to do that for her.
She’s perfectly capable of doing it on her own.
She knows her worth.
She feels good about herself and she isn’t afraid to show it. But she only feels this way because she’s worked hard on herself.
She’s aware of how much she brings to the table and she always keeps in mind that she’s more than good enough.

And there is nothing more valuable in this world than a woman who knows her worth.

She knows where she wants to be in life. And she knows how to get there too. She’s a person who constantly pushes her limits and who’s constantly trying.

She keeps working on herself. She takes care of her looks and her brains as well.
She knows what she deserves.
And she isn’t settling for anything less. That’s why she might appear as high-maintenance to some. But she is just asking for as much as she’s ready to give and that’s all.
In case you’re failing to reach her standards or win her over, perhaps it’s not the problem that she has set her standards high, but that you have your efforts set really low?

You don’t get to disrespect her.
She doesn’t let people treat her badly and she never allows other people to project their insecurities on her.
She is a high-value woman and she holds her head high. That’s why she’ll never put up with someone who tries to bring her down to feel good about himself or with someone who disrespects her.
You don’t get to treat her right only sometimes.
She wants constant effort and she deserves someone who’ll treat her right on all occasions.
She deserves someone who’ll treat her right even when she makes a mistake. She deserves someone who’ll try constantly to prove his love, his admiration and his commitment to her.
You don’t get to be mediocre.”

Read full article here

 

If You’re Unhappy With Your Life, It’s Your Responsibility To Change It

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magick (2)

By Dian Tinio
Updated June 16, 2019

“Oftentimes, we settle for what we think is right, acceptable and safe. We are so dominated by the idea of staying because it feels scary to move. Because it feels frightening to face a whole new environment without the people, the things, or the places we’ve been so used to.
We are so terrified by the idea of moving on, because we feel like we just can’t move on and leave things behind. We sacrifice our own being, our own happiness. We choose to compromise all these because we choose to stay, when we should really be moving on, moving forward.

If you’re unhappy, MOVE. Because if you’re meant to stay in one place, you should have roots, instead of feet.

If you’re unhappy with your job, quit. If you feel like, you’re no longer growing, no longer learning, if you’re no longer productive, if you’re only clocking in and out every single day – then move. If you’re constantly stressing over the fact that it drains you mentally, physically and emotionally, then move. If you’re thinking of just sticking with that job that never fails to suck your joy because it pays the bills and you might be “promoted” there and can call yourself “successful” and “happier” – NO. Your happiness does not depend on your success. Your success actually depends on your happiness. If you think there are new opportunities, new places, new things you can explore and will contribute to your soul and to your individual growth, then go there. If it’s worth your time thinking, then it’s worth trying. No one’s too old to try. Whether it ends good or bad, it’s still an experience. Let’s not forget that every experience teaches us a valuable lesson that we might never learn if we choose otherwise.

If you’re unhappy with the people you surround yourself with, leave. If you feel like they no longer influence you positively and you no longer prosper with them then leave. By leaving, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting them off of your life or you’re forgetting them forever, it just simply means that you are finally moving forward. The time you had with them was spectacular. There were learnings and encouragements but when they are no longer a vessel of such and all they do is drag you into settling for mediocrity, then maybe it’s time to say your “thank you” and “see you again”. You are just recognizing that you need to go on with your life, perhaps without them.

If you’re unhappy with your love life, end it. They aren’t the last people on earth. Romantic relationships are more than forehead kisses, dinner dates, tight hugs and sweet letters – romantic relationships just like any other vital connection you have, is supposed to mature with you. Romantic relationships are supposed to let you flourish and develop in every aspect of who you are. It is supposed to hearten you every morning and not weigh you down with doubts and resentments. If your partner becomes a constant instrument of heartache and toxicity, then cut them off. You are not obliged to burden yourself with such. They are supposed to be one of the top people who will propel you to be at your best, to motivate you and allow you to discover the extent of your grandeur. Remember that, always. Who knows, maybe in the near future you’ll meet someone who’ll contribute to your soul even more.

If you’re unhappy with your city, move. Don’t get stranded with comfort zones and safety nets. Familiarity is good but too much familiarity is not that good. A little risk and uncertainty can go a long long way. If you’re only staying because you feel it’s secured and because you’re already living there for a long while now that it is “home” or that it is “convenient” – well, you might want to re-think your decisions. Being comfortable can be a whole lot scarier than taking risks. You stopped conquering magnificent things when you start getting comfortable. Remember, great things come outside of our comfort zone. So pack your things, leave your city and move to another one if you must. Go out on this adventure to nowhere. Start anew. Search for a place you might like to visit, a place you might like to stay. Now is the time. Home is where your happiness is, not where it’s guarded.

If you’re unhappy with your life path, take any turn possible. Whether it is your college course or your career path, or your business direction – whatever path it is that you’re taking right now, if it reeks strong discontentment, then it’s the perfect time to take a pause and redirect yourself. If you’re taking a course you don’t like, shift. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to waste years, effort and money on something you never even love in the first place. It will only teach you to settle. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t embolden you, you’ll still feel devoid, exhausted. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re graduating next year, you better decide before you find yourself trapped in an office chair with loads of shitty work you don’t even understand and doesn’t enrich your passion. If you’re investing years of your precious time and expertise in a career path you’re not even appeased with, shift. If you don’t see yourself on the same path in the years to come, what’s the point? There is no right time to shift and leave, you do it when you feel like it. You do it when you’re unhappy. You do it now. Take on a new path, embrace diversity and development. Whatever path it is you’re in right now, if you’re unhappy, take a turn. Whether it is left or right, as long as you’re happy, you will not lose yourself.

If you’re unhappy with how you see life, move your sight. See life from a different view, a different perspective. Re-acquaint yourself with life. Worrying or over-thinking things don’t change how life is. Like they say, don’t stress over the things you can’t change. The only thing you can do is fix your eyes on a different light, see life in all its splendor. Stop viewing it for all its troubles. Life is beautiful.
If you’re unhappy where you are right now, move. It’s as simple as that, I don’t know why we make everything so complicated. Why we spend so much of our time and energy scrutinizing everything, when the only thing we should really be thinking about is our own happiness.

Thus, instead of dreading and over-examining every decision you need to make in your life, trust your guts. Sometimes, taking risks and clinging to perplexity is a good thing. You don’t always have to weigh the pros and cons of things, sometimes there is only one thing that really, truly matters and that is; your happiness, your passion for this life and your hunger for a contented heart. You don’t have to be sure of where you’re going or what the next step is; sometimes all you have to do is take the first step and that is to MOVE.”

How to handle difficult relationships

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cycle

 

This can be a challenging time of year for everyone and their relationships. We can feel stress, old, unresolved anger and grief from our past. Uncomfortable feelings rise up from our families, old friends, past lovers, current lovers, business partnerships, roommates and coworkers.

These unprocessed emotions can’t be solved overnight, but if you’re dealing with someone who is sick, strung out, toxic or crazy, it’s best to detach with love. Just having this course of action might give us all some comfort and support.

Read this from “The Language of Letting Go”. It could give you a valuable course of action:

“Detaching in Relationships
When we first become exposed to the concept of detachment, many of us find it objectionable and questionable. We may think that detaching means we don’t care. We may believe that by controlling, worrying, and trying to force things to happen, we’re showing how much we care.
We may believe that controlling, worrying, and forcing will somehow affect the outcome we desire. Controlling, worrying, and forcing don’t work. Even when we’re right, controlling doesn’t work. In some cases, controlling may prevent the outcome we want from happening.
As we practice the principle of detachment with the people in our life, we slowly begin to learn the truth. Detaching, preferably detaching with love, is a relationship behavior that works.
We learn something else too. Detachment – letting go of our need to control people – enhances all our relationships. It opens the door to the best possible outcome. It reduces our frustration level, and frees us and others to live in peace and harmony.
Detachment means we care, about others and ourselves. It frees us to make the best possible decisions. It enables us to set the boundaries we need to set with people. It allows us to have our feelings, to stop reacting and initiate a positive course of action. It encourages others to do the same.
It allows our Higher Power to step in and work.
Today, I will trust the process of detaching with love. I will understand that I am not just letting go; I am letting go and letting God. I’m loving others, but I’m loving myself too.”