Category Archives: Psychology

Gratitude

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“Create the habit of gratitude in your life and watch your life transform.”  Gratitude and staying in a grateful state of energy, is probably one of the most popular topics when it comes to well-being, would you say?  Yet, thousands have come to me feeling quite the opposite.  Many are in a state of worry and stress.  I’ve heard some say, “How can I be grateful and happy when I have a sick family member, or have no idea if I’m going to make the rent, or be able to keep my job, or whether or not my relationship is going to fall apart?”  At one point or another in our lives, many can relate to these concerns.  I know I sure can having experienced several layoffs, and having been the caregiver when my precious mother had a terminal illness.  But practicing the habit of gratitude helps keep our mental state more positive, and this kind of energy, in turn, helps us handle these difficult situations.

   What makes it easier to be grateful is to associate this state of being with trust and peace.  Consider that when we focus heavily on what we’re grateful for, it becomes a great reminder.  A reminder that what we’re often grateful for, are things we prayed for that were granted.  Perhaps pause for a moment before continuing to read further.  Think of two things or experiences you’ve prayed for and received.  The more we think of things to be grateful for, the more the level of trust and faith within our heart increases for the next areas of concern.  And peace enfolds us where we start to have a knowing that whatever we’re presented with in our lives, will serve a Higher purpose, and will come with all that is needed to handle it.  Staying in a state of gratitude also helps us to actually enjoy and celebrate any good that happens to us, no matter how small it may be. 

   One of the keys to staying in a state of gratitude and decreasing worry, is to let go of the tight mental hold of how you want things to turn out.  Where you set your intention, or as I call it, “place your order with the Universe”, then trust and let go of when and how you want things to turn out.  This allows the Universe to orchestrate and serve us what is needed for all involved, and His peace is included.  Trust is the main factor here.  When we trust the Source we’re sending our order to, it enables peace to set in.  When we trust and feel peace, patience follows.  Hence, that tight hold to the outcome is released.  A good quick prayer for assistance can be, “God (Infinite Source- or whatever your loving Higher power is), please help me to feel your love, peace, patience, trust and comfort in my heart, please and thank you.”  As you feel that releasing breath, allow yourself to think of a couple things you’re grateful for.  Eventually this becomes habit.  And so does the feeling of peace.  And isn’t feeling peaceful one of the main goals? 

   What has greatly helped so many, as well as myself reap the benefits of gratitude energy, is to write in a gratitude journal.  Keeping it simple seems to make writing in it consistently much easier.  I have a very tiny inexpensive notebook.  For each day I include the date, and title it, “I am beyond grateful for:”, and I number each statement.  I carry over the numbers, and I’m up to 1443 gratitude entries since last August.  I write in it when I wake up, and before I go to sleep.  Some days, I write just two things.  There are no rules. 

When you allow yourself to stay in a state of gratitude on a daily basis, you’ll start finding it easier to forgive and release past hurts and wrongs, as well as feel love in your heart for the smallest of things.  Acknowledging what we’re grateful for causes us to get in the habit of thinking more constructively even in the most challenging situations.  This in turn keeps our energy lighter to effectively handle them.  And last but not least, practicing gratitude daily, manifests more reasons to be grateful.  Consider adding daily gratitude to your life, and enjoy the positive transformation that comes with it. ♥  

Honor Yourself

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from digital artist Tetyana Erhart, Ukraine

“Men earn their value through their actions, accomplishments, and ability to provide, while women are born with innate value, embodying beauty, grace, and nurturing energy. This is why men are biologically wired to chase their desires, while women are wired to attract them effortlessly.

Many women forget their power or use it in ways that diminish their worth. Instead of embracing their natural magnetism, they plead for love, care, and attention—when, in reality, they only need to nurture themselves to draw everything they desire toward them.

A woman who prioritizes herself—her well-being, her emotional health, her purpose—becomes irresistible. She doesn’t need to chase or beg; she simply radiates an energy that compels the right people, opportunities, and love toward her.

The world has conditioned women to believe they must prove their worth, to give endlessly without receiving in return. But true feminine energy is about receiving just as much as giving. It is about being in flow rather than forcing things to happen.

A woman in her power does not convince a man to love her. She embodies the kind of energy that makes a man want to cherish, protect, and commit to her. She understands that desperation repels, but self-respect and self-care magnetize devotion.

When a woman takes care of herself—emotionally, mentally, and physically—she automatically becomes more attractive. Not just in a superficial way, but in a deep, energetic way that commands respect and admiration.

She no longer settles for breadcrumbs of love. She knows her presence alone is a gift, and she waits for the man who recognizes it without needing to be reminded or begged.

To all women reading this: You are not here to convince someone to choose you. You are here to choose yourself first. And in doing so, you will attract those who truly see and appreciate you.

Honor yourself. Take care of yourself. Walk away from anything that makes you feel less than worthy. The right love will always find its way to a woman who stands in her power.

Let go of the need to chase or prove your worth. You were born with it. All you need to do is own it.”

– Abhikesh

Boysober Girlsober

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Great article from comedian Hope Woodard and Marisa Charpentier at the New York Times: “She’s not celibate – she’s Boysober”

“The comedian Hope Woodard is spreading the word about her yearlong break from sex and dating. One fan calls it “this year’s hottest mental health craze.”

…”During her time at the mic, “Ms. Woodard described moments when she was the villain of her own dating story — times when she had led someone on, or had allowed herself to be treated poorly because she wanted attention.”

A big part of the yearlong break from sex and romance is unlearning the unhealthy relationship patterns that often get passed down from generation to generation. “Maybe we are one of the first generations of women where we don’t actually have to plug into a man for, like, energy and power and whatever,” Ms. Woodard said.

Ms. Wright, 25, pointed to the pressure on women to earn male attention. “When that dissolves,” she said, “there’s a whole new world that opens.”

Ms. Woodard said that, growing up in the South, she was raised to please others. Now, she said, she sometimes struggles with knowing what she wants. At its core, her “boysober” year is about learning how to say no.

“I’m a little bit angry at myself and angry at all the sex that I’ve had that I feel like I didn’t choose,” she said. “For the first time ever, I just feel like I have ownership over my body.”

Catie Kobland, 24, a nanny and graduate student in Manhattan who attended the event, said that she and her friends “go celibate” every so often.

“When you get out of a relationship, or you have a really bad situationship and dating or seeing people is tainted, and you want to rinse it from your mouth, I feel like the best way to do it is celibacy,” Ms. Kobland said. “It’s this year’s hottest mental health craze.”

How to Focus

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Singular focus, i.e. focusing on doing one thing at a time, is essential for creativity, productivity and mental health. It’s been proven over and over again that multi tasking DOES NOT WORK. It’s not good for our brains or emotional health. I struggle with this a lot, especially being 58 years old. I feel like I’m running out of time on this planet and there’s so much I want to do! For younger people nowadays it’s even harder with keeping a house together, working sometimes two or more jobs and raising kids.

I came across the podcast on focus yesterday and found it very interesting. I thought I would share it here in case someone else can benefit from it! Try doing one thing at a time for a couple of days! You don’t have to be perfect, just TRY it. You might feel more peaceful and get more done 🙂

Father’s Day with no Dad

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Sharing an excellent post from Will Wheaton today. He grew up, as I did, in a dysfunctional home, and presents some strong insights in this article:
No Child Deserves to be treated the way the man who was my father treated me

“I wrote this two years ago, and a lot of my fellow survivors said it was helpful to them, so I reposted it last year. I heard the same thing, so I’m reposting it this year.

To all my fellow children of shitty fathers, I see you, I love you, and I’m so sorry we’re in this club we don’t want to be in.

“Today is hard for me. I see pretty much everyone I know celebrating their awesome dads, who loved them unconditionally, the way a child deserves to be loved. I see them sharing memories of time spent with their dad, which I never got, because the man who was my father never made the effort. I’m doing my best to focus on how happy my friends are, and how lucky their children are, but it’s really hard for me to do that without feeling the massive black void where my father’s love and affection should be.

“I want today to be a reminder of all the joy my own kids have brought me. I want to celebrate my own existence as a dad, to stand up and say that I did the work, I broke the cycle. I am not the selfish bully I had the misfortune of being born to. I’m a good man, and a good father. I love my sons, and we have a close and loving relationship. We don’t need a Hallmark holiday to celebrate and acknowledge the love we share, and my wife and kids know what a bastard my father was, so they’ve never imposed a celebration on me. But it still feels good when my boys call me their dad, and it still feels good when they tell me they love me. Being their dad is such a privilege, and I choose, every day, to be grateful for it.

“Today, I’m going to make a deliberate choice to focus on my own children, my own experiences being the dad I never had, and I’m going to give a very special shoutout to my fellow children of bastards, who have the same complicated relationship with fatherhood that I have. This is a tough day for us, and if you grok what I’m saying, I’m so sorry. I see you, and I know.”

Dopamine and happiness

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We call it magick or the praxis of tantrik yoga…

“…adventure, love, prosperity, prestige…anything we aspire to at all…is really just the currency we use to buy the four things that really matter:

Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins.

Realizing that even that kiss that melts your heart… only melts it because those four fairy godmothers waved their magic wands and turned your brain into a freakin princess.

But if our brain hits us with a really shitty exchange rate, if suddenly winning that Academy Award only buys us a day’s ration of serotonin, then how the hell are we supposed to stock up for our whole lives?

What can I do to get more joy out of everything I’m presented with, big or small?

How does anyone do that?

I guess there begins one’s lifelong quest for God, psychedelic drugs, transcendental meditation, or whatever the hell else you need to do to bring true value to the external pleasures of the world.

Anything that promises, not pleasure, but perspective.

There’s a good case to be made that those are the things worth seeking first, before even love and success.

Because watching my little boy flood his brain with happiness because he found a cool stick on the lawn is all the evidence I need that “how you experience” is so much more important than “what you experience.”

– excerpted from a really great 3 minute read, here:

Roadrunner: An inspiring but haunting documentary

tips for managing depression

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DEPRESSION TIPS:

Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta.

Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like.

Put on clean, comfortable clothes.

Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.

Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancy and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.

Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.

Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.

One more thing. If you can, go look in mirror and smile.

May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.

* At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on.

* In case nobody has told you today, you are worth your weight in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all keep pushing on!!!!

***People don’t fake depression.. they fake being ok.

Find something to be grateful for!

US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.

800-273-8255

easy psychological test

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𝗣𝗜𝗖𝗞 𝗔 𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗘
𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧.

“Which number of the 21 little people in the tree do you resonate with? Look at the picture before reading below.

This simple psycho-emotional test inspired by Pip Wilson’s method can reveal interesting points about you.

Pip Wilson is a psychologist and trainer known worldwide for the very simple method in which he manages to help people find their maximum potential and balance in life. Pip Wilson also invented the Blob Tree method.

If you chose the little man 2 or 3, then you are an ambitious and confident person. You know that you will succeed all the time and that convenient situations will always come up to help you in your progress.

Little man number 1 is a self-assured person, content with his life and optimistic. He is an intelligent person, the capable should see in perspective.

Little man number 21 is a person who tries, but does not know how to find the best solutions for his life. He is a little man who must learn to ask for help from those around him and to give up his suspicious nature.

If you chose the little man 9, 19 or 4, it defines you as a non-social, suspicious and confident person. The number 19 man can have narcissistic inclinations and is envious of the success of others.

The number 4 little man gives up too quickly, does not trust his extraordinary potential. And the number 9 little man will do anything to prove that he is wonderful too, but it is easier to keep his lonely side, because in this way he justifies his mistrust in others.

Little people 7, 11, 12 characterize communicative people who know how to offer support to their friends. These people are characterized by a high emotional intelligence that helps them successfully deal with life situations. They have team spirit, they see the bright side and they find solutions all the time.

The number 5 little man is creative, loves life, enjoys every moment, love and knows how to be grateful to all the good things around him. This helps him to maintain a positive outlook and so he always has open doors to all the best!

The number 6 little man needs to feel loved, protected and safe. He is the kind of person who always falls in love with the wrong person, because of his unwed need for affection and love. This little man must learn to look more carefully for those who can help him in his evolution, and not those who do not understand his vulnerability.

The number 13 little man is filled with despair and the loss of hope. He must do his best to recalibrate himself to the tree of life and he can easily regain confidence in himself again, seeking the support of his loved ones!

The little people 16, 17 and 18 are optimistic, full of life, with team spirit, perform in any field and look at the challenges with detachment. The number 18 little man likes to feel loved and appreciated, and when he feels it, he becomes your best friend!
The number 14 little man is a soul, a philanthropist, he would do anything to help others. He is characterized by a lot of empathy and a ′′ great soul “. This little man should learn to take care of himself, not just others!

The 10, 15 and 20 men are winners. I love the taste of success, even if everyone has different ways to achieve it. The number 20 man is ambitious, confident and full of life, is an innovator and is not afraid to take risks. His detachment and passion bring him many achievements and satisfaction.

Little man number 10 is ambitious, but also very cautious. He is hardworking and determined, that’s why he is successful, pretty much anything he wants. His ideas always stand out and he is appreciated in any environment. And the number 15 little man is motivated by the beauty of the road to success rather than the success itself. He is curious to know new things, to have new experiences, to meet people and to learn something from each one.

The number 8 little man is a dreamer and romantic. He likes to have some moments just to himself. This is how he regains his energy and the mood for life and socialization. It is good for the loved ones to understand their need for isolation and not to misconstrue it, to understand it and to leave the space it needs.”

~ Emily Bender 

Five Things to Quit doing Now

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Here are the five things everyone needs to quit right now:

1. Trying to please everyone.

You’re never going to make every single person in your life happy. So stop trying. Focus on trying to please yourself first and then help others do the same.

2. Fearing change.

Being afraid of the unknown is very common. We are naturally resistant to change. However, change is also very necessary for growth.

Don’t be afraid of things changing in your life. You never know what doors might open.

3. Living in the past.

“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It can hurt you no more.”

Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

4. Putting yourself down.

“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take it’s place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.”

Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused — And Start Standing Up for Yourself

5. Overthinking.

“Thinking too much leads to paralysis by analysis. It’s important to think things through, but many use thinking as a means of avoiding action.”

– Robert Herjavek