different relationship needs of men and women

This is so insightful about men’s and women’s different needs in relationships… what do you guys think?

 … from alarajrogers

 

“Oh my God this actually explains so much.

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner.

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.”

 

Gift ideas by Astrological sign

Leo

Leo jewelry from Stargazer Rock Shop – my new Etsy jewelry store!

 

Aries: tickets to an arena concert, a facial, self help books, work out clothes, hiking and camping gear, brightly colored clothing (red, orange, green, purple or gold), a vision quest, a spontaneous trip or something with their name on it.

Taurus: silk clothes, gardening tools and books, cooking utensils, kama sutra, a wallet, art supplies, tickets to a museum or art show, a sauna, fancy dinner or a night in a fancy hotel.

Gemini: Mathematical puzzle, hot air balloon ride, bird watching, games, a short neighborhood walk, crossword puzzles, ballroom dancing lessons, a book tour event or a soiree.

Cancer: Quality time, cozy blanket, home-cooked meal, cookbooks, houseplants, household appliances, socks or slippers, trip to a bed and breakfast, blender, candles and alone time.

Leo: mani pedi, a photo shoot, jewelry, anything with rhinestones, VIP tickets, leather clothing, family trip to an exotic location, games, movies, camera, karaoke machine or a musical instrument. (Melissa wrote this one)

Virgo: Notebooks and planners, guidebooks, workout clothes, filing cabinet, fitbit, ipad, yoga classes, Roomba or let them organize your closet.

Libra: a romantic dinner for two, a luxury spa day, rose gold jewelry, high tea, Bloomindales gift certificate, hand written poetry, fine wine, flowers or a fancy party.

Scorpio: Marigolds, tarot cards, bondage gear, vault for their secrets, stilettos, deep sea diving, a therapist, goth dancing, a skull with a red candle on top and a “hug me” tshirt.

Sagittarius: Buddha statue, nose ring, sport’s tickets, wine tasting, horse back riding, meditation retreat, bohemian clothes, archery, a town to pillage, the Tibetan book of the Dead or sell their stuff for a worldwide backpacking trip.

Capricorn: Mountain climbing, a tailored suit, Bitcoin stock, a massage, a cabin in the woods, Tim Ferris videos, lego set, piles of money, tickets to an S&M club, trip to a petting zoo or a Rolex.

Aquarius: a gift to charity, baby Einstein, a protest march, telescope, books about science, or Nothing (because they want to give to others).

Pisces: trip to Disneyland, a paint set, poetry book, a unicorn, music, vintage clothing, alcohol, musical instruments, movie tickets, a trip to the ocean, an aquarium or a Hollywood tour.

#Christmasgiftideas

#Astrologicalgiftideas

Mars into Sorpio

From Empowering Astrology:  “Mars moves to the final degree of Libra, pointing us toward critical relationship issues. The final degree of every sign has an urgency to it, a scrutiny that demands we hold ourselves accountable. Mars in Libra has been six weeks of digging into trust, intimacy, and cooperation.
Come tomorrow, December 9, Mars will move into Scorpio. It’s been my feeling, ever since Jupiter arrived in Scorpio, that we wouldn’t really know the true nature of Jupiter in Scorpio until Mars got there, too. With Mars in Libra, however, a lot has been simmering below the surface, just out of view.
Libra is Scorpio’s 12th House (intermediate astrology alert) and if you know the 12th House at all, the action is in the non physical and in the realm of emotion, dreams, and solitary endeavors. And if Jupiter in Scorpio has been dragging up all our secrets, our shame, the darkness we’ve been hiding, then Mars and Jupiter combined may be like a dam breaking. Something to keep an eye on. (Want to know what Mars in Scorpio will mean for you? Check out my sign by sign guide below.)

http://empoweringastrology.com/mars-in-scorpio-sign-by-sign

Ronnie Pontiac: “Also on Saturday at 1AM Mars leaves Libra and enters Scorpio. Mars is weak in Libra but rules Scorpio. Prepare for more ugly secrets about men to be revealed. Libido may turn less romantic and more kinky with Mars in Scorpio. The negative possibilities include vengefulness, underhanded moves, manipulation but the consequences may be surprising. Instead use Mars in Scorpio to explore. It’s good for catharsis and for transformation.

Next Sunday about an hour and a half after midnight Mercury retrograde trine Uranus is exact again. A great time for writing and other creative communication. Read something futuristic. Find new tech or new community that can help liberate you. Instead of lamenting what is passing find ways to prosper in the new environment that is arriving.

Also on Sunday just before dawn Venus square Neptune is exact. On the negative side this can indicate a strong urge for intoxication and escapism. Romance can be misleading, the typical rose colored glasses scenario. But this can also be a time of great artistic inspiration if you put it in the effort. Jupiter trine Neptune and Saturn trine Uranus can indicate the creation of masterpieces.”

#metoo

Time’s Person of the Year. The catalyst? Ashley Judd and Jupiter and Venus in Scorpio 🙂

“Women have had it with bosses and co-workers who not only cross boundaries but don’t even seem to know that boundaries exist. They’ve had it with the fear of retaliation, of being blackballed, of being fired from a job they can’t afford to lose. They’ve had it with the code of going along to get along. They’ve had it with men who use their power to take what they want from women. These silence breakers have started a revolution of refusal, gathering strength by the day, and in the past two months alone, their collective anger has spurred immediate and shocking results: nearly every day, CEOs have been fired, moguls toppled, icons disgraced. In some cases, criminal charges have been brought.”

Full article here

#MeToo #BalanceTonPorc #YoTambien #Ana_kaman