Tag Archives: counseling

The Alchemy of Loneliness

“You’re different. Not “normal”.

You don’t fit their boxes; their definitions, expectations, labels, tags and examples. You broke the mold.

You’re the untamed one. You’ve become the one they talk about, whisper about, the one gone wild. You’re the one that got away.

You’re the one they don’t recognize, the piece that doesn’t fit, the one that wasn’t made using a cookie cutter. Every nickname, assumption and association doesn’t even stick anymore you’re so Teflon coated.

You could conform. You could start to settle for the shallow and the superficial. But your soul would never let you; your heart demanding the beat of a different drum which marks each step along this path.

YOUR path.

From http://thegoddesscircle.net/

There came a time when you put it all out there. When you sacrificed the masks and just sort of let it all hang out for the world to see and said it didn’t matter anymore who saw you. And if everyone runs, it’s less people to write Christmas cards to.

This can be a lonely place. This can be a place where you start to doubt everything. Every move, every breath and every heartbeat on this road that has led you to stand exactly where you are. But there is something here to, besides the unending shroud of night.

There is a treasure that is found in the catacombs of loneliness, a concealed jewel that offers eternal promise. There at the center of all that you are lying in the heart of darkness it has the potential to offer you everything that you could ever want. If you crack it open and exhume the shining jewel inside, you see the value. You see the truth at last.

Once you dust it off on your shirt and see the shine, everything makes sense.

This once buried wonder offers us the key to everything that we are, all the gifts and medicine that is hidden within our spirit.

Here in the silence of the world it lies, bathed in shadow and silenced to all ears but you. And you really need to sit and listen. Which is why you’re alone. Can you imagine trying to discover the truth of all that was you in a loud screaming room? Every voice around you competing for the stage?

The longing of loneliness is the birthing chamber for the light of your true self, all of the old falling away what doesn’t fit. This nest of desire deep within is a transformational catalyst that rises like the Phoenix once everything else has fallen away. This is a place of divine alchemy.

Some moments of lonely clarity last a moment, some last for what seems like eternity. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel; and that light is you.

The gift of loneliness is one that is afforded to us to gain clarity to see. And once you grab the truth of this gem, of the medicine and gift of all that you were born to be and walk out of the tunnel, you will never be alone again.”

© Ara

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
― Frida Kahlo

Choose her everyday (or leave her)

Great sentiment about love that’s been circulating around this week! We had a New Moon in Scorpio on Wednesday, and this article is a reflection of the emotional depth and commitment reflected in this sign. check it out:

“Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)” by Brian Reeves

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.

I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.
I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.
She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.
To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

Actually, I did abandon her.

By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.
Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.
It’s torture for everyone.
If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing my partner today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”
If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

You do, too.
Choose wisely. ॐ”

See Spirits of Nature: Venus 5 degrees Virgo

Venus is currently at 5 degrees Virgo. The Sabian Symbol for this degree is: “A man becoming aware of nature spirits and normally unseen spiritual energies.”

Have you noticed the spirit world in a peculiar way this week? This Sabian Symbol is active, AND we’re approaching Halloween. Autumn is the time of year when the veil between our world and the spirit world is at it’s thinnest point of the year.

Walk around in nature and take in the change of season. The air smells different, the light is lower… it’s truly an amazing time! Spirits are nothing to be afraid of by the way. They often appear on waking or sleeping or in the corner of your eye.

From the expert on Sabian Symbols, Lynda Hill:

“This Symbol implies strong feelings of another level of awareness around you. Your rational mind is, at times, being overshadowed by intuitive thoughts and feelings. Your imagination or spirituality is showing a clearer path to understanding and knowledge. Equipped to see the invisible, you penetrate into the mystical levels of life. There may be messages to bring back into your waking consciousness.

This can show a creative, attuned mind that can perceive subtle phenomena, shifts and changes in the environment. Tap into your clairvoyance, but don’t be thrown off track by it.

Creative fantasies. Fairy tales. Seeing things or just imagining them? Fantasizing about people or experiences. Attuned minds. Seeing entities. Fairies. Nature spirits.

The Caution: Confusion or lack of true perspective. Time wasted. Being a space cadet. Losing the plot. Mental institutions. Not being taken seriously. Schizophrenia. Skepticism.”

© 2016, Elizabeth R. Sheldon. If you use anything, be sure to include my name and a link back to this site. Thank you.